Time refuses to slow down, (as I think every parent can relate to), and my oldest son, Jackson, will turn seventeen this week.
This past year has been somewhat different than the years that preceded it.
Of the things that remain much the same as they were before, Jackson still loves to collect toys, he still is shockingly fast at assembling Legos, he loves going to the movies, dominating claw machines and he’s continued to show his flair for art.
On the latter, Jax has been using YouTube videos to help him sketch out different cartoon characters and then carefully coloring each one in to add to an ever growing collection of his work.
He’s also been spending some time at my Mom’s flower shop and when she asks, he helps to create floral arrangements in the same exact fashion as if she were making them herself.
Most recently, I’ve been picking him up from school once a week to bring him back to RevFit so that he can put in a little bit of work cleaning some of our equipment here but also to get him involved with strength training.
I’m grateful for all of the opportunities we’ve had to work with individuals who have special needs because now that Jackson is training here as well, it helps to see how he interprets the way his body moves when he lifts weights. Some movements are easier to train than others and each week we’re finding ways to move the reps up or move the weight up so that he can keep getting stronger and gain more confidence in what his body is capable of.
A few weeks ago, I was telling him that I could tell he was stronger than when he started and I said: Jax, show me your muscles.
He brought his arms up to flex his biceps, leaned over to kiss his left one and proclaimed: That’s the best kissed muscle ever!
Always the man of few words, Jackson never fails to show his sense of humor.
You might catch him dancing along to Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” (I blame myself for that) or singing along to the radio if Ed Sheeran, fun., or Myles Smith come on because if one thing has been a constant in Jackson’s seventeen years it’s that he has always loved music and as someone is pretty passionate about it himself, it’s a joy to see it (even if he and I don’t share the same enthusiasm for certain artists!)
But as he enters his seventeenth year of life, I still love seeing him be a big brother to Sebastian, I love seeing how much he lights up my mother’s life, and I love knowing that no matter what happens in Jackson’s life, he will always be showered with love and affection.
I’m wishing the happiest of birthdays to my almost adult young man, we love you Jax, Happy Birthday, big boy.
One of the challenges you might find when you’re trying to set your sights on a method of eating to help you improve your health, lose fat, (or both) is determining which method is superior to all the rest.
The short answer is: there isn’t one.
The more nuanced answer is: there may be a style of eating that works well for you and not as well for others.
Keep in mind, we are alive to experience the wonder and weirdness of social media platforms where the loudest megaphone (and often the largest platform) wins.
Which means that just because the loudest person is speaking doesn’t mean they’re right and when it comes to nutrition, it means you may have to discard the advice of people who range from the “girl-next-door” to those who have “Dr.” in their name. Not all doctors, just some.
I’m going to try and not throw any particular person or style of eating under the bus. Rather, I want you to approach nutrition information with skepticism (even if it comes from me).
Let me refresh some basics for you with a wildly simplistic breakdown of macronutrients:
Protein: Protein contains essential amino acids which have to be supplied in the diet because the body does not make them on its own. Protein can be found in all animal products but also in different grains, nuts, seeds and certain vegetables (usually in smaller amounts). It assists with the repair and recovery of muscle, supports immune health and may contribute to feelings of satiety and fullness in the diet.
Fat: This macronutrient can contain essential fatty acids and can assist with hormone production and contributes to healthy hair, skin and nails. Fat is typically found in animal products but is also present in nuts, seeds and certain vegetables as well as cooking oils.
Carbohydrates: This macronutrient is not “essential” but has been touted as the body’s “preferred” source of energy (more on this later). Carbohydrates are typically found in grains, fruits, vegetables as well as in different sweeteners. Also, carbohydrates are where you’ll find sources of fiber. Fiber intake and fiber diversity are associated with a healthier gut.
For the purposes of this article, I won’t be talking about alcohol which is the other macronutrient.
Narrow your sights on any style of eating: ketogenic, vegan, vegetarian, carnivore, Paleo, Mediterranean, etc. and you’ll find the pockets of people who will swear as the day is long that (insert name here) is the BEST way to eat for health, longevity, fat loss, etc. Many of which have Facebook support groups to rally the troops and rah-rah, hey-hey about the diet.
I need to impress this one point: It may very well work great for THEM and at the same time be terrible (or not ideal) for you.
Diets like carnivore, ketogenic, and any other low-carb variation can (keyword) be helpful for fat loss. On one hand, when you take your standard diet (which probably has moderate to high carb intake) and flip over to one of those styles of eating, you’re not only removing a LOT of calories by default (putting you into an energy deficit), you’re also removing a macronutrient that holds 3-4g of water per 1g of carbohydrate.
So, the removal of 200g of carbs from the diet can lead to a 600-800g drop in “water weight”. If you add the carbs back in, water weight comes back with it. That doesn’t make carbs “bad”, it just means they hold more water than protein or fat. This can temporarily allow the scale to give a positive but nuanced drop downwards.
However, as individuals acclimate to a lower carb style of eating, they may find that since fattier foods are prevalent, calories can start to creep up again. If they creep up too much, you’re no longer in an energy deficit and (for those pursuing it) fat loss may stall.
For all of the people hating on carbohydrates who truly believe you cannot consume them and also be successful at fat loss, I’d like to warmly introduce you to the vegans and vegetarians. If you don’t already know, their diets are chock full of carbohydrates and, if approached correctly, can very easily be successful at fat loss. (Just saying).
I think my biggest issue aside from the zealotry and fanaticism around certain diets is you get that cultish appeal that tends to come along with it. It’s not uncommon for me to find people who dug their heels in on a certain manner of eating, swearing up and down that it was the optimal way for them to eat, only to find them a year later eating in a completely different (and often contradictory) manner.
Wait a second, I thought the other way was optimal?
If you’ve been led (or scared) towards your diet through a documentary you found on Netflix, remember that these films are made to push emotional buttons, NOT to be accurate with evidence and the studies they provide for scientific reinforcement.
When I’m working with clients to help with fat loss, it helps to have a general guideline for where calories should be and a flexible protein goal. Beyond that, carbs and fats can pretty much fall wherever they need to. Some people prefer and perform better on higher carbs, some on lower carbs. That being said, despite what you see on the internet, NOT everyone should be counting calories (or tracking macros).
I was recently asked by a client what I thought about anti-inflammatory diets. It’s a tough question to answer. For one, foods that may cause inflammation in one person might not do so in the next person. Some people claim that gluten containing foods and dairy are pro-inflammatory foods, however, not every person will have that experience. Of note, my wife can’t consume any gluten or dairy without having several days worth of extreme discomfort afterwards. Our son and myself have no issues with either of those types of foods.
For individuals who struggle with IBS (inflammatory bowel syndrome), many healthy and nutritious fruits, grains, and vegetables have to be excluded to determine what is a safe (if any) dose that a person can consume. Foods like onions, garlic, mango, avocadoes, or broccoli, for example, might have to be temporarily or permanently removed from a diet to reduce IBS symptoms.
So, that makes it kind of tricky when you hear advice about: consuming whole, minimally processed foods to have an optimal diet because all of the foods I just mentioned in that last paragraph would fit the definition AND also not be ideal for some people’s diets.
You’ll find asshats on the internet who want you to fear seed oils, sugar, legumes, oatmeal, eating past 7pm, or literally any carbohydrate ever because God forbid your blood sugar temporarily spike up which…it’s…supposed…to…do… (unless you’re diabetic and if so, please talk to your RD and endo).
Ultimately, it’s not my place to tell you which diet to choose. You may have to try several to find the one that best supports your lifestyle, physique goals and performance. What I will say is that if someone is leading you to a food decision and they’re doing it by promoting fear, be skeptical of that person.
If someone says: don’t eat something with ingredients you can’t pronounce, walk the other way.
If someone says: sugar is toxic, ask them in what dose, which toxins specifically and which types of people have that response to sugar intake?
If someone says: eliminate processed foods, grab their bottle of extra virgin olive oil and ask them which farm that bottle sprouted from.
If someone says: everyone should be practicing intermittent fasting, tell them you do plenty of fasting while you’re sleeping. (Also, intermittent fasting as a dietary practice is flat out terrible for a LOT of people.)
The truth about food is often found in the gray area. And I hate to say it but the gray area is pretty boring.
The headlines and the buzz get made on the extremes. If I tell you (and even better if you trust me), that fruit and vegetable intake has a correlation to several types of cancers, I can make you fear fruits and vegetables. Once you’re afraid, it’s easier to sell you a product or service.
If the approach to nutrition you’re being led from seems cultish, put the Kool-Aid down and find a new sandbox.
The only “cult” worth following is the band of the same name, with my favorite era being 1983-1995.
If you need some help navigating the mine field, drop me a line.
Several years ago, when Marie Kondo’s bestselling book, “The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up” came out, it resonated a lot with me.
Shortly after reading it, I took the book’s guidance and went into my closet to start getting rid of clothing and shoes that I’d either not worn in two years or that no longer “brought me joy”.
I packed up a couple of garbage bags worth of apparel and donated it to people in need.
It was such a dramatic reduction in what I was used to seeing in my closet but it was refreshing and I knew that what I was left with were the things that would get the most wear and that I enjoyed the most.
Of course, apparel tends to wear down and wear out over time so as pieces started to decline in quality or as new clothing was purchased, I continued to keep my things down to a given minimum by finding pieces to throw away or donate.
I’ve never returned to the same amount of clothing that I owned prior to reading that book.
I’ve mentioned before on this site that I’ve collected some manner of material things for most of my life.
Over the last several years, it’s been books, records and bourbon.
This past year, the bourbon collection has dwindled down to a fraction of what it was before and while it wasn’t planned, I’ve been dry since before the end of the year. So, fewer bottles on the shelf and less personal consumption.
I’ve also started to go through my records and books and whittle down those collections as well.
I’ve reached a point where having lots of “things” just doesn’t give me the same joy it once did.
So 2025, for me, will be a work in progress of continuing to get rid of more and more things so that I can just own less and less.
In addition to the items themselves, I know I have a tendency to struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out), so I’ve unsubscribed from many email newsletters letting me know about upcoming or limited edition items and I’ve unfollowed many social media pages which might advertise the same.
As I go through this process, I find that it is always stress reducing for me and I don’t know anyone who wakes up and says: Let’s see how stressed out I can make myself today.
By comparison, the things I want more of likely won’t take up shelf space and they’ll be a fraction of the monetary cost of all those material things.
-I want more personal peace
-I want to learn more about being an effective coach
-I want more time with my wife and my boys
-I want more progress towards my strength (mental and physical).
As of now, I have around 1200 books in my library at the studio and over 1000 records at home. The plan is to cut out at least 20% of both to free up both physical and mental space and just let rooms breathe.
Knowing how I tend to be, once I start letting go of things, more will follow.
As the sentiment goes: I can’t take this stuff with me when I die and while I do plan to live as long as I can, less clutter leads to less stress so this is the year of less stress (and the objects that contribute to it) and more peace in my life.
Roughly five years ago, I got back into therapy and I didn’t “want” to be in therapy.
To be clear, I needed it but I didn’t want it.
Being in therapy meant something was wrong and something was broken and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to admit either of those things but that didn’t make it less necessary.
Being in therapy made me rehash memories and reopen old wounds that refused to die, that refused to heal and continued to find ways to poke holes into the rest of my life.
So over the next several months, I pored through all of those details: the good, the bad, the painful, the shameful, and everything in between.
At a certain point, Collin, my therapist, asked me how I wanted to proceed: if I was going to do the work to heal all those broken bits or if I was going to stay in the same place letting all those old wounds fester out into the rest of my life.
I didn’t have an answer.
I was stuck.
And Collin said the words to me that have been branded into my brain ever since, words that I have peppered into this website on more than one occasion since then: When you’re in enough pain, you’ll change.
As you set your sights into 2025, I want you to take stock just like Collin asked me to do all those years ago and consider what changed and what needs more changing.
I am of a certain mindset now that I hate feeling stagnant and I hate feeling like I didn’t make progress in the areas of my life that need it most.
And like many people, I really don’t like the feeling of pain…so I change.
When you look at yourself in the mirror, and really LOOK, I want you to set goals in 2025 that make you uncomfortable.
I want you to set goals that make you stretch yourself.
I want you to be clear on those goals.
I want you to plot out details of what the steps towards those goals might look like.
And then I want you to move heaven and hell and to get there.
If you’re anything like me, perhaps you’ve realized that the things you value most in life are the things you’ve had to work hardest for.
For me, that has been my own personal self-improvement, the growth of my business, parenting, and my marriage (in no particular order).
The work never ends. The work always requires patience, it always involves missteps, it always takes longer to achieve a certain goal than what I expected and the work is ALWAYS worth the effort.
If I had a wish for you, it’s for you to not remain the same person in 2025 that you were in 2024.
And I want you to do more than talk a good game. I want you to show up and walk that talk over and over and over again until you’re facing 2026 with the benefit of hindsight to say, I put in the work and I know how I got better.
And when you look in the mirror a year from now, I want you to be immeasurably proud of yourself.
The same way that I’m proud of the fact that when I answered Collin by putting in the work it was because I refused to stay stuck.
For you, make the decision to change and start it now.
I ran four intakes this year of my 8-week online group coaching program, Fat Loss Simplified. I knew I wanted to continue the course heading into 2025 but I had not fully committed myself to how I wanted to roll it out. I’m really happy with how the course went this year but I wanted to change the format up to make it more accessible for future members. Stay tuned at the beginning of the year to see how the course will evolve.
What I Learned, Read and Consumed
Looking back, I feel like I didn’t read as much as I normally do. While I can’t be mad about making it through 100 books this year, many of them came via audiobook as I just didn’t take the time to read physical books as much as I have in the past.
However, part of my time was spent in continuing education picking up some certifications and courses along the way. Earlier this year, I took a bridging assessment and took my nutritionist certification from Mac-Nutrition University and transitioned it into a Level 5 diploma in advanced nutrition. Once I acquired that diploma, I was granted access to dietitian level courses through Australia’s Monash University and completed two additional courses: “The Low FODMAP diet for IBS” and “Identification and Management of Disordered Eating in Gastrointestinal Disorders.” Because I’m not an RD, I can only reference that I have completed the courses not that I have been certified in them. I do have limitations and scope within the accreditation that I have. That being said, both courses were excellent and helpful to learn more about. Also, I re-certified as a Women’s Coaching Specialist through Girls Gone Strong when their new/updated textbook came out this year.
I don’t normally pick my favorites when it comes to the books I read each year but there were 4 novels that stood out from the rest: “James” by Perceval Everett, “The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store” by James McBride, “All The Colors Of The Dark” by Chris Whitaker and “Demon Copperhead” by Barbara Kingsolver. In the self-help/self-improvement field, my two favorites that I read this year were “The Book Of Ichigo Ichie” by Francesc Miralles and Hector Garcia and “Get Out Of Your Mind & Into Your Life” by Steven Hayes and Spencer Smith.
1-Be Useful: Seven Tools For Life by Arnold Schwarzenegger
2-The End Of Craving by Mark Schatzker
3-The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
4-The Happiest Man On Earth by Eddie Jaku
5-Outlive by Dr. Peter Attila
6-Atomic Habits (re-read) by James Clear
7-Drama Free by Nedra Glover Tawwab
8-The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
9-Amok by Barry Eisler
10-The Body Liberation Project by Chrissy King
11-Raising Body Positive Teens by S. Darpinian, W. Sterling and S. Aggarwal
12-Deconstructing The Fitness Industrial Complex by J. Williams, R. Rochan, and L. Koval
13-The DBT Solution For Emotional Eating by D. Safer, S. Adler, and P. Masson
14-Fat, Crazy & Tired by Van Lathan Jr.
15-Do Hard Things by Steve Magness
16-Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Lori A. Brotto
17-Sensate Focus In Sex Therapy by C. Clark and L. Weiner
18-The Science Of Gut Health by G. Fundaro and J. Hoffman
19-Exercised by Daniel J. Lieberman
20-The Comeback Quotient by Matt Fitzgerald
21-Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King
22-Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza
23-The Good Enough Job by Simone Stolzoff
24-10X Is Easier Than 2X by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy
25-Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein
26-The Diary Of A CEO by Steven Bramlett
27-Zero To One by Peter Thiel (re-read)
28-It’s Not About The Coffee by Howard Behan
29-The Many Lives Of Mama Love by Lara Love Hardin
30-The Deepest Well by Nadine Burke Harris
31-The Longest Race by Kara Goucher & Mary Pilon
31-The 15 Commitments Of Conscious Leadership by J. Dethmer, D. Chapman, & K. Klemp
32-How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie (re-read)
33-The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey (re-read)
34-Fingers Crossed by Miki Berenyi
35-The Art Of Darkness: The History Of Goth by John Robb
36-The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
37-GGS Women’s Coaching Specialist Textbook
38-Magic Words by Jonah Berger
39-Holy Ghost: The Life & Death Of Free Jazz Pioneer Albert Ayler by Richard Koloda
40-Rebel Girl by Kathleen Hanna
41-From Strength To Strength by Arthur C. Brooks
42-How To Grow Your Small Business by Donald Miller
43-Down With The System by Serj Tankian
44-No Machos Or Pop Stars by Gavin Butt
45-Scarcity Brain by Michael Easter
46-Email Mastery! by Dean Jackson
47-Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel
48-7 1/2 Lessons About The Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett
49-Same As Ever by Morgan Housel
50-Build The Life You Want by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey
51-Buy Back Your Time by Dan Martell
52-Gnar Country by Steven Kotler
53-Your Future Self by Hal Hershfield
54-The Women In The Castle by Jessica Shattuck
55-Prince And The Purple Rain Era Studio Sessions by Duane Tudahl and Ahmir Thompson
56-Alcohol Explained by William Porter
57-Getting To Yes by R. Fisher, W. Ury and B. Patton
58-The Women by Kristin Hannah
59-Think Twice by Harlan Coben
60-James by Perceval Everett
61-Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt
62-Prince And The Parade & Sign O’ The Times Era Studio Sessions by Duane Tudahl
63-Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver
64-Promise That You Will Sing About Me by Miles Marshall Lewis
65-The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride
66-The Crane Wife by Patrick Ness
67-33 1/3: To Pimp A Butterfly by Sequoia Maner
68-Sandwich by Catherine Newman
69-Stay Fanatic Vol. 4 by Henry Rollins
70-The Cemetery Of Untold Stories by Julia Alvarez
71-The Omen Machine by Terry Goodkind
72-The Third Kingdom by Terry Goodkind
73-Wildwood by Colin Meloy
74-Love & Pain by Ben Gillies and Chris Joannou
75-Debt Of Bones by Terry Goodkind
76-How To Nourish Yourself Through An Eating Disorder by W. Sterling & C. Crosbie
77-All My Rage by Sabaa Tahir
78-The Inside Scoop On Eating Disorder Recovery by C . Reichmann and J. Rollin
79-8 Keys To Recovery From An Eating Disorder by C. Costin and G. Grabb
80-Becoming A Mentally Tough Motherf*cker by Sumi Singh
81-The God Of The Woods by Liz Moore
82-All The Colors Of The Dark by Chris Whitaker
83-Total F*cking Godhead: The Biography Of Chris Cornell by Corbin Rieff
84-Nightfly: The Life Of Steely Dan’s Donald Fagen by Peter Jones
85-Know My Name by Chanel Miller
86-The Power Of The Other by Dr. Henry Cloud
87-The Book Of Ichigo Ichie by H. Garcia and F. Miralles
88-Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
89-The Courage To Be Disliked by I. Kishimi & F. Koga
90-Listen For The Lie by Amy Tintera
91-Guillotine by Delilah S. Dawson
92-A Therapist’s Guide To Treating Eating Disorders In A Social Media Age by Shauna Frisbie
93-Unchained: The Eddie Van Halen Story by Paul Brannigan
94-Brothers by Alex Van Halen
95-Red: My Uncensored Life In Rock by Sammy Hagar
96-Reasons Not To Worry by Brigid Delaney
97-A Devil On One Shoulder And An Angel On The Other: The Story Of Shannon Hoon And Blind Melon by Greg Prato
98-The Kind Worth Killing by Peter Swanson
99-Get Out Of Your Mind & Into Your Life by S. Hayes & S. Smith
I look back at the 35 years I had to spend with him and there’s not a day that passes that I don’t wish he were still here.
I am now 10 years shy of the age he was when cancer took him.
The likelihood that I will have the same cancer that he did isn’t good but it does stay in my mind: “What if” I only have that much time left?
I have two sons, Jackson and Sebastian, and like a lot of parents there is hardly a thing in this world I wouldn’t do for my boys.
But I also recognize that, of the things in my life that I have some degree of control over, my health is one of them.
I can eat mostly nutritious foods.
I can exercise.
I can prioritize my sleep.
I can have a high step count.
I can continue to improve my mental health.
I can stay up-to-date with current comprehensive bloodwork to make sure nothing under the surface isn’t heading a direction I don’t want it to go.
It’s not a perfect process. I am neither a perfect person nor a perfect parent.
But it’s what I have.
I don’t wake up every day, repeating affirmations in my mirror, manifesting positive vibes and giving myself the ol’ rah-rah on the way to work.
I just keep putting in the time, effort and work that I can on myself.
It’s not just for my boys, it’s for Marissa, it’s for my Mom, it’s for my clients and, selfishly, it’s for me.
Because I want to be around for them as long as I humanly can if it’s within my control to do so.
Perhaps you’ve heard the sentiment before: You say you’ll die for your family, but how will you live for them?
I don’t know who to credit that to, but it makes sense.
We all have to define health in a very different way from one another. What motivates you to be the best version of yourself may be quite different from me and that’s perfectly okay.
Whatever motivates you, dig deep into it. Pull the layers back on it. Make it about more than just the little black dress for the holiday event, the visible abs, or the wedding photos.
Make it about the life you truly want to experience.
To the best of my ability, I want to be around: mobile, capable, and strong for as long as I can.
There’s a question I like to ask potential clients when we’re in our initial consultation:
On a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being not noticeable and 10 being intolerable, where is stress for you right now?
And as you can imagine, I hear all sorts of responses.
Many people (not all) operate at a fairly high level of stress.
I ask if that numerical value they give me is the norm or abnormal.
That part depends.
Some people go through seasonal ebbs and flows of professional life where certain times of the year will always be more stressful and demanding than others.
Some people, due to the demands of family and work, just acclimate to a high level of stress almost year-round.
In conversation, some will say that they’re just waiting for things to slow down so they can put more focus on themselves, their health and their goals.
Others admit that, as much as they’d like things to ease up, they recognize that even if they get the chance to “breathe”, it likely won’t last long.
So, I want you to take a moment, as we’re getting closer to the end of 2024, and ask yourself: Is it realistic and reasonable that my life is going to slow down soon?
If so, take the time to focus on what you need to now, whether that be the holidays, travel, social events, etc. and set your sights on the portion of your calendar when you can start prioritizing yourself again.
However, if you live one of those lives where you just can’t catch a break as often as you’d like, that means you’re going to have to get a whole lot better at surfing the rocky waves.
For myself, life doesn’t really seem to slow down. Part of this is self-inflicted, as owning a business is frequently demanding and requires a lot of mental and physical energy. I’m a husband, a father, a son, and life is never, ever boring. Which means, if I need to prioritize myself, it has to happen in the midst of the storm. It’s never perfect and lots of things get in the way. But if I don’t take care of me, no one else can do that work.
If you are in that latter group, the kind who keeps asking: When I am going to catch a break?
Assume you don’t, assume you won’t and then plan accordingly.
The people I’ve found who get closer to their goals aren’t the ones with perfect plans that are executed in perfect measure. They’re the ones who dealt with messy, frustrating, curveball lives and said:
As much as I love seeing clients dial in their focus, make sweeping changes to their lives and drop a lot of pounds quickly, I know that fast fat loss is not for everyone.
Yes, it absolutely can be more motivating and if a client is more motivated, they’re more likely to stay adherent to the plan but life has this frustrating tendency to get in the way and when the first curveball comes, it can be difficult for people to not let the distractions win.
Instead, I find myself advocating for and encouraging slower fat loss these days.
Consider this: If you’re a woman trying to lose fat and you don’t want to spend hours toiling away in the gym, you’re trying to find the right balance between expending enough and pulling calories back just enough to see results.
Let’s say your maintenance calories are somewhere around 1700-1900 calories per day. If you follow the “conventional” wisdom that 1 pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories, then a 500 calorie deficit means you’ll lose approximately 1 pound per week. Note: the math isn’t perfect. We’re working with estimates.
That means, you’re working with 1200-1400 calories per day not including what you expend during exercise.
What you may find is that you can do this for a period of days but attempting to do it week after week may be more draining that you anticipated. Many women are sensitive to aggressive deficits and that means, the more you push for faster fat loss, the more your body may give you the signs that it’s not having it.
A slightly different approach is to make the deficit smaller while still keeping exercise as frequent as you can. So, that might look like intake of 1400-1600 (for instance) and keeping your step count up, lifting weights at least 2x/week and making sure you’re getting decent sleep.
You’ve likely heard the adage that: you didn’t gain the weight overnight, you can’t expect to lose it overnight either. The sentiment applies.
So, yes, it may make the journey slower but remember that you’re in this self-improvement trek for the long haul. Losing what you want is part of the process, keeping it off is the other part.
I try to remind many of my clients (especially the ladies) that it took my wife nearly two years to lose 35 pounds. While she would have loved to lose the weight faster, the slower pace allowed her to focus on more sustainable eating habits that could still serve her when she was at maintenance.
I’ve also found, observationally, that the clients I have who take a slower approach tend to be more understanding when life interferes. They know that patience, consistency and some mental flexibility win in the end.
So, nothing against dropping the pounds faster, however, if that path has only led to frustration and weight regain, try a slower approach.
I’m writing this article on the week of Thanksgiving and it would have been easy and appropriate for me to write something about gratitude as I have in the past.
I’m also writing this article on the week of my 49th birthday and it would have been just as easy to churn out a list of 49 things that you (or I) could do to improve ourselves as I’ve done in the past.
Instead, I’m writing this article after we’ve lost a close friend of our family and that makes the holidays more challenging.
In fairness, I only know Kevin because of my wife and this loss is significantly more difficult for her because of their friendship.
So, I’m going to try and wrap several sentiments together in the best way I can.
If you have a great friend or great friends in your life, the ones who stick by you through thick and thin, reach out to them, tell them how grateful you are that they are in your life.
Tell them how much you appreciate how they never judge you, how they are there to offer a kind word when needed, and how much you cherish that bond that you share together.
If you know they struggle in their lives with problems you can’t change, be the sounding board they need, remind them that you love them, offer to help in any way that you’re able.
I realize that nothing is more valuable than your health. That could be physical or mental, and it’s usually both.
My heart aches for my wife because Kevin has been a part of our lives for as long as I’ve known her. He was smart, he was funny, he was incredibly talented and he absolutely adored Marissa and Sebastian.
He called me a few years ago because he had questions about my years of addiction, what rehab was like, how I got clean, etc. It’s never an easy conversation to have. Not because I’m not comfortable talking about it but because I know that no one changes until they’re ready and for me, my rock bottom changed everything. I wanted to see Kevin turn his life around too…
I am grateful for all the time we had with him and that my wife had that friendship at times when she needed it most. I know what she gave to their friendship and I know how it was reciprocated.
If I offer you any words of encouragement about ways to improve your life: listen without judgment, love unselfishly, heal your wounds, and laugh often. Life’s too short to do anything less.
To Kevin, thank you for being a such an integral part of our lives. You will dearly be missed and I do hope that you have finally found some peace. Love you, brother.
I’ve been bouncing the idea of this article around for months and I’ve hesitated to write it for several reasons:
-Every person is motivated by different things
-What works for one won’t work for another
-Having a kickstart towards progress can be a tremendous help
-The value of creating support and community should never be underestimated
All these things aside, for as long as I’ve been coaching in the fitness industry (17 years), there is always some “challenge” that people get involved in to help them get further along.
Sometimes, it’s the ones that are diet driven: 14 day resets, 21 day kickstarts, 30 day detoxes, etc.
All of which find some way to exclude foods (or drinks) from the diet to challenge you mentally and physically with the promise that you will be healed, fixed, revolutionized, or transformed on the way to the promised land.
The really savvy ones will not only have you remove certain things from the diet, they’ll convince you to buy some type of supplement stack (value priced at only $279) because you need the appropriate balance of vitamins, minerals, snake oil and fairy dust to truly benefit.
Then, there are others that combine some arbitrary list of restrictive diet changes, behavioral modifications, workout routines, etc. to determine how hard you can work to challenge your mind, your body, and your lifestyle. Rest assured, this is where they separate the “men from the boys”, the truly dedicated from the half-hearted, and so on.
And, in theory, I don’t have a problem with anything that genuinely strives to make you the best version of yourself.
However, what we tend to see, is that the vast majority of people who engage in these challenges end up going right back to their “normal” not long after the challenge is complete.
I don’t want to dismiss this all entirely.
For instance, there will always be the person who makes a New Year’s resolution to drop 50 pounds and keep it off and, by God, they actually do it.
But you know just as well as I do, they are the exception.
And as far as challenges go, there will indeed be people who make those sweeping changes and the lightbulb comes on, a switch is flipped, and they never look back.
A year later, they’ve achieved their ideal physique, they sleep better, they party less, and life just.seems.perfect.
And again, they are the exception.
Fact is, most diet-driven challenges are a terrible idea for people who struggle with disordered eating practices. And they themselves might never know that, but they’ll embark on the challenge anyway and wonder why they keep spinning their wheels and never get to the root of what’s standing in their way (finding a therapist who specializes in eating disorders is a good place to start).
And I will admit that even I tossed out one of these challenges about 5 years ago to my clients for a 30-day span of time. Chock this up to not knowing better and if I had known then what I know now about disordered eating behaviors, I never would have done this.
But we live…we learn (hopefully).
So, what’s the solution?
Most (not all) of the people you know didn’t transform their bodies and lives from a challenge (even if it had good intentions). They got those bodies and those lives by doing the boring and the seemingly mundane over and over and over again. Those actions aren’t highlight worthy. We only want to see the beginning and the end because the middle is about as exciting as watching paint dry.
Here’s my suggestions instead:
-Explore the one area of these challenges that really makes you uncomfortable. For instance, if a challenge asks you to remove alcohol and you know that doing so will be the part that hurts the most, THAT’S the place to really dig into. Everything else is just a clever distraction from the part that will get you the most out of your comfort zone.
-Lean into the boring bits. I hate to say this (or rather, type it) but true transformation comes from all the things no one tends to share. It’s the agonizing pull to put in the work when the couch is telling you to stay. It’s the getting-your-ass-out-of-bed step when all you want to do is hit snooze. It’s the meal prep when McDonald’s sounds easier, it’s the water when you want wine, it’s the go-the-f-to-sleep when Netflix begs you to watch one more episode. Do the boring work, reap the great results.
-Pay attention to your track record. If you have a long, colorful history of engaging in challenges that spark wild-eyed wonder and motivation only to fizzle out like the end of a sparkler, ask yourself what you’re avoiding. The challenges might give you some temporary hope but the finish line you’re really aiming for comes well after the challenge ends.
Jason Leenaarts 