*The title of this post was taken from The Offspring song of the same name*
I remember it somewhat vividly.
I was fresh out of high school, dating a girl who would later be coined the “girlfriend from hell” by my family. The relationship didn’t last long. That was probably obvious to everyone but me.
I spent every dime of my graduation money on her. Pawned away good music instruments and equipment too. When I got wind that she was cheating on me with a friend of mine, it stung a bit.
Granted, she was in Ohio (so was he) and I was in Tennessee. A girl would get lonely, right?
That wasn’t the worst of it though. I was having a conversation with her mom shortly after I found out about the affair and she said “Don’t worry, Jason. She really cares about you. She’s only with him for his looks.”
You see, I’ve never been under any illusions that I could make it as a runway model. Too short, too this, too that. But for a short amount of time, I thought my “looks” were enough to keep my girlfriend faithful.
I wish I could say that was the only time when it seemed apparent that maybe I wasn’t the best looking guy on the block. It wasn’t. But that was definitely one time where my nose got rubbed in it.
Fast forward over two decades later and I really look nothing like that guy. I weigh a bit more, have more muscle and as of 10 years ago, have completely shaved my head. I also have married a woman who, in my humble opinion, is stunning. When this post is published, it will be our two year anniversary.
I’m still no runway model but I have learned to grow a bit more comfortable in my own skin.
What I often find with my clients, is a similar dissatisfaction with themselves. Maybe their parents impressed it on them at an early age. Maybe, like with me, it was a relationship that went awry.
Unfortunately, the lack of self esteem is what I find can hold many of my clients back. They’re too concerned about the size of their butt, the loose skin under their arms, the excess fat around the midsection that never seems to get tight enough. Or maybe it was never tight at all.
That concern for the perfect body tends to override all of the amazing feats of progress that someone can achieve. When being skinny trumps being healthy. When starving oneself is a greater badge of honor than eating appropriately and responsibly for a goal. Or the opposite effect of overeating because one has lost sight of a goal.
Recently, a client (who has been seeing tremendous weight loss results) was criticized for how they look by their spouse. Maybe it wasn’t meant in a derogatory way but this individual already struggles with self worth and feeling as if they deserve the body they’re working so hard to have.
It’s akin to criticizing someone for their looks on things they have little control in changing. How demoralizing.
It takes a special kind of strength to keep fighting for your goal. It takes a great amount of determination to decide that you’re not going to let any negative part of your past define who you are today, much less who you will be tomorrow.
It would be easy for me to write each week about calories or exercises or motivation. But if you want to be successful on your journey, it’s about a lot more than any of those things.
Many of our clients are fighting a battle that won’t ever be seen. It might be emotional, physical, or social. Sometimes, the best that can happen is they come into the gym and let all of that stress out on the weights. I think that’s a great thing.
And I don’t want to pretend that I have this whole self esteem thing worked out for myself either. I have my own battles. But you’re welcome at RevFit to help me straighten some of my issues out as long as I can return the favor.