When I knew I wanted to start my business, all I could really think about was helping people do two things: lose fat and get stronger.
It seemed pretty simple.
I’ll just open up my doors, assume that people like me/trust me enough to start training with me, and I’ll get them results.
Simple.
Except reality was nothing like that.
I didn’t live out the “Field of Dreams” sentiment that: If you build it [they] will come.
Yes, I did get clients and yes, they liked me and trusted me enough to get their business, and yes, many of them saw results.
But what I found out early on was that most people needed something more.
Fact is, you can open up any fitness magazine and find a workout.
You can pick up any diet book at your local bookstore or online and lose fat.
It’s just not the same as having a place where you’re expected to show up and be accounted for.
It’s not the same as having guidance with form or to have someone modify your workout around every ache and injury.
It’s not as “simple” as calories in, calories out, macros this, intermittent fasting that…
It’s altogether more complicated.
When you start to dig further, it’s all the things we encounter in life that distract us or disturb us, enrich us or traumatize us.
So, some of the most impactful conversations are the ones where clients will pull back the layers to show you that illness happens, death happens, grief happens, infidelity happens, addiction happens, incarceration happens, lapses and relapses happen, job losses happen and divorces happen.
I’ve watched all those scenarios unfold.
On the flip side, you experience new relationships, beautiful marriages, the birth of a child, personal bests in strength training, new lows of fat loss, and the redefinition/rebirth of confidence in people.
They don’t teach you this in certifications.
You won’t be prepared for it with your degree in exercise science.
You find that periodized workouts look great on paper and mean very little when you have an overworked, overstressed mom who just wants to feel better and can barely make it in for two workouts a week.
You find that meal plans work fine when someone likes rigidity and can work from home but they don’t work so hot when someone travels all the time and can’t fathom eating the same meal two days in a row.
Coaching (in this industry) is part knowledge of exercise, part knowledge of nutrition, part psychology and part business logic.
It’s looking at a person and saying: I know you can do this and I have the tools to help you.
It’s offering your hand every time they stumble to say: I’ve got you. I’m not abandoning you. But you can‘t abandon you either.
It’s bringing people into your office, box of Kleenex in hand because you know they’re going to need it, and sometimes you are the safest ear they have.
It’s part of the reason that several years ago I started to share my own stories: my pain, my struggles, my misgivings and the path I took to get to the other side.
Because when you can show people that you’re human, they’ll show you the sides of life that make their lives so challenging. You won’t see it in a food journal or a workout log.
Macros won’t fix it and neither will an upper-lower-upper split.
Keep your “door open”, keep your heart open, keep the conversation judgment free.
Coaching, done right, won’t just change your client’s lives, it will change yours too.
And to the person who brought me this: Thank you. People like you are the reason that all the effort is worth it.
Rumor has it…I’m turning 48 tomorrow. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way:
1-It’s a boring topic to discuss, but the older I get, the more the quality of my sleep matters. Do all you can to prioritize consistent, restful sleep.
2-I’m fortunate that every day I have an opportunity to do a type of work that I love. If you don’t love what you do, at least allow it to provide you a style of living and downtime that you do love.
3-I don’t believe that life gets markedly less stressful or less busy. I think successful/happy people have better tools to manage stress and have excellent time management.
4-You can do without a lot of things in life but your health isn’t one of them. Make sure you’re keeping up with routine, annual bloodwork. Be proactive.
5-We don’t live a life that affords us the luxury of being weak, not in mind or body. Nurture strength in yourself.
6-I’ve made an insane amount of mistakes in my life. Many of which could have killed me, left me destitute, or leveled my business. I’ve also spent a great deal of time, money, and effort on self growth to repair those mistakes. This work is invaluable. If you’re able, keep putting the work in on yourself.
7-As technology continues to evolve, don’t lose sight of actual human contact. No amount of self checkouts and automated services can replace a warm body and warm voice to connect with.
8-If you don’t want to rely on things like willpower and motivation to get you to your goals, make promises to yourself that you can actually keep and reduce temptation by any means possible.
9-Some relationships in life are meant to be outgrown. If you find that certain people in your life empty your bucket more than they fill it, that’s probably a sign.
10-I think the conversations about younger generations not being committed to quality work and effort are overstated. If you want the younger generation to do and be better, show them where they have purpose and allow them to show up for themselves. It’s not a perfect process, it’s a worthy one. There are plenty of people of my generation and older who care little to nothing about self worth, growth and values.
11-Other people’s opinions DO matter but the opinion that matters most is the one you have of yourself.
12-Don’t ever stop learning, don’t ever let complacency win. Even if you can’t afford to buy a new book or take a new course, there’s a library close to you with free resources to help you. Use it.
13-No one ever prepared me for how deep and profound losing my father would be. As of this writing, he’s been gone almost 13 years and sometimes that loss is harder now than it was back then.
14-If you weren’t lucky enough to have great parents and they did not “raise you right”, if you’re an adult who can work and pay your bills, you have an obligation to right their wrongs.
15-On that note, trauma is a very real thing whether it’s “Big T” trauma or micro-traumas that add up over time. Spend the time to find a quality therapist who can help you manage and heal that trauma before you bleed all over people who never harmed you.
16-Whether you diet or you don’t, your body will always perform better if you feed it higher quality food. You don’t have to be perfect, just find ways to improve from less nutritious to more nutritious.
17-With rare exception, if your diet has a name, it probably won’t work for you long term. And if you’re of the lucky few who is an exception, please don’t make the mistake of assuming that because it works for you that everyone else should be doing that diet as well. That’s like assuming we should all be performing the same job just because you found one you’re good at.
18-I’m not a card player but I do know this: You’ll never have a winning hand if you keep playing the victim card.
19-When was the last time you looked someone in the eyes and told them you love them? Scratch that, put this list down for a moment and do that.
20-I own a business that thrives through word of mouth referrals. If you’re a current or former client of mine who has referred family or friends to us, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You’re the reason we can keep the electricity on and I can pay my staff.
21-Life is too short to be unhappy. Life is too short for shitty cookies. Life is too short to not surround yourself with people who remind you that you are loved, appreciated and respected.
22-You can be in disagreement with someone without being disrespectful to them.
23-Time and again, I have to remind myself that if I find myself wanting to judge someone for their choices, there is a very good chance I’m allowing myself to cast stones from a glass house. If you don’t want those stones to land your way, this reminder can help.
24-I support my family by coaching others: either via strength training or nutrition coaching. At risk of taking money out of my own pocket, some people need a therapist more than they need a personal trainer/nutritionist. If you can afford both, by all means, do so.
25-The more I learn, the dumber I feel. I’ve spent more money on continuing education in the last 3 years of my career than I have in many years prior combined. No matter how many certifications I get or letters I can add to the end of my name, I will never feel like I know enough.
26-Music heals a lot.
27-Drink more water. Drink less caffeine and alcohol. That doesn’t mean you can’t have them. I love my coffee and I love my bourbon. But the latter two pale in comparison to my water intake. If you’re into the numbers, it looks something like: 100 oz of water a day, 10 oz of coffee, 2 oz of bourbon.
28-This year marked the first year I started to get into hiking. Wow. I missed out on how beneficial this is. I don’t know much yet and I haven’t covered enough mileage to be commended for it but the “green therapy” of being outside on those trails, to climb across massive rocks (without being a ‘rock climber’) and to take that deep belly breath of outside air is unlike anything I’ve experienced. I’ll be doing more of this in the future.
29-Sometimes it’s not what you hear, where you hear it, or who you hear it from, it’s “when” you hear it that advice (which you’ve likely heard a bazillion times before) actually has the appropriate impact. Make sure you’re listening.
30-On that note, a little piece of advice I heard this year which I desperately needed to hear and apply was this: “Everything is energy”. You have a choice in deciding if you want that to be positive or negative energy. It applies to relationships, finances, and personal health.
31-Express gratitude wherever you can: “Thank you for holding the door open for me”, “Thank you for loving me”, “Thank you for sharing that with me”, “Thank you for your friendship”, “Thank you for not judging me”, “Thank you for accepting me.” I continue to marvel at people who are in a constant state of gratitude and I strive to be more like them.
32-I’ve never been poor but I’ve often been broke. Being broke is a painful reminder that priorities are not in alignment with values and goals. This applies to having a broken spirit as well.
33-I’d like to thank Dr. David Deckert for saving my life literally and Dr. Collin Myers for saving my life figuratively.
34-It’s mind-blowing to me that businesses don’t openly cater to members of the LGBTQ+ community or to BIPOC. I won’t disparage another business further but I will say that their loss is our gain. At RevFit, whether as a face-to-face or online client, those individuals will always be welcome with us.
35-As a component to that last thought, every day someone takes their life because they don’t: A) fit in B) are not accepted for who they are C) are bullied for who they are. Your words matter. How you raise your children to speak to those around them matters. It could be the difference between someone living and dying.
36-If a book about health/dieting becomes a bestseller, approach it with caution. Most of these books succeed because they have great marketing behind them, NOT because they are scientifically accurate. The things that have been “proven” to work for improving health and dieting successfully without losing your mind in the process are unbelievably boring. It’s really hard to sell millions of books when the best you can offer someone is: drink more water, have a good movement practice, lift weights, eat mostly nutritious foods, reduce your stress, hire a therapist, and get quality sleep. That’s it. That’s the “hack”. Everything else is noise…and noise sells.
37-Yes, some people will treat your kindness as a weakness. Be kind anyway.
38-You don’t need another diet, you need much more effective coping skills.
39-These days, it’s easy to grab a tripod and your phone and take a great picture. As often as you feel it’s appropriate, hire a professional photographer. This was one of the best things we’ve done for our family in quite some time.
40-I try my hardest to find the silver lining in everything. The worst events that have ever occurred in my life all have a silver lining to them. They all have something positive to be gleaned from them, even if the experience itself was painful or traumatic. If there’s any wisdom in growth and maturation, it’s trying not to be the cause of those events.
41-If no one has told you yet today, I’m proud of you. Keep making the little steps towards the goal you’re aiming for. Speed doesn’t matter, momentum does.
42-If you surround yourself with “yes men” and people who are simply around to agree with you, you’ll never grow. Find people (and hold them close) who can offer a different perspective and understand why they see things through that lens. You won’t appreciate growth if it’s handed to you on a silver platter without one lick of resistance to stand in your way.
43-It’s not just life that changes, it’s everything in our lives. You don’t raise your teenage children with the same tactics as you did when they were in preschool. You don’t perform your job after 10 years with the same skills you had when you first started. You need new skills over time for a better marriage, a stronger body, and for managing your self talk. Expect change and prepare for it.
44-Many of the fitness professionals you follow struggle with the same things you do: depression, anxiety, negative self talk/body image, etc. They may have found a way to use exercise and food as an outlet and tool for self improvement but they’re still struggling. It’s helpful to remember that we’re all human, we all make mistakes, we all find self-management challenging and we’re all trying to get a little bit better each day.
45-Is the grudge you’re holding still worth it?
46-Having a standing appointment for a monthly massage can be a game changer for you. Find a therapeutic masseuse and schedule the next year out. You can thank me later.
47-I’m very fortunate to have survived the patch of my life where I thought suicide would win. Not everyone is that lucky. If you’re struggling, shoot me a message at jason@revfittherapy.com I’m not a therapist and I will still encourage you to find one but I at least want the opportunity to tell you that: I’m proud of you for being here, we need you to stay in this world, and let’s get you some help so that you finally have some hope.
48-Everything I have in this world is because other people have given me the opportunity to thrive and succeed. I have accomplished nothing of merit by myself. This should speak volumes about the importance of your support system. Thank you to everyone who has stood by my side over the last 48 years.
I know, I know, it’s that time of year when most people are showing their gratitude to the people, circumstances and opportunities in their lives.
I’ll be no exception this week. Gratitude is something I always have to keep front of mind for myself: when life is good and especially, when life isn’t as good as I might like.
As we lean into the week of Thanksgiving (for those who celebrate it), it’s always that gentle reminder to me to be grateful for all that I have: my family, my work, my health, my friends, my clients, (who are often one and the same), and to have a roof over my head and food on our table.
A little over a month ago, I fired back up my “gratitude journal” and I’m doing it a bit differently than I have in the past.
I try to do it first thing in the morning, on the Notes section of my phone, while I’m drinking my coffee and preparing myself for the day ahead.
I list three things I’m grateful for and I try my very best not to repeat anything I’ve said before. I’m sure that I’ll duplicate something along the way but if the easy thing is to say: “I am grateful for my wife”, I try to be more specific and list what I’m grateful for at that moment. So, it may be something along the lines of: “I am grateful for the medical care my wife has to guide her health.”
I won’t give this process more credit than it’s due. Is it transforming my life and making sure I never struggle or view the world through a lens of pessimism? No. It’s not a flawless practice.
But it is a way to start my day off positively before too many obstacles get thrown in my path. It allows me to be grateful for little details and big changes. It’s a grounding and centering practice to remind me that no matter how difficult things might get, there are always so many things I need to focus my gratitude on.
Just like all of my clients, I am constantly striving to find places to improve my own life, my attitude, my blessings and allow that to affect how I treat myself and how I treat others.
Thank you for being a part of that big picture with me.
And a little something I’m very grateful for? Well, you’ll see it below.
Navigating the health landscape can be dicey, even for those of us who make a living being involved in it.
There’s an old joke and I’ll use “fat loss coaches” as the subject to highlight my point.
How many fat loss coaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and the rest to say: “I could do it better.”
I recently saw a lengthy post by a fellow fat loss coach and it was a frightening reminder of how tone deaf many of us in the field can be.
We’ll call the coach “Joe” to protect the uh, innocent.
Joe starts his post off by stating that weight loss drugs make people fatter. He then opts to bolster his argument by stating that the doctors who prescribe them don’t get to the root cause of problems, they only look for medicinal drugs as a band aid to offering a true solution. In addition, many doctors can flat out be wrong and this error in judgment can be the difference in cases of someone living and dying.
Sound harsh?
Let me push back on this and state that: No, weight loss drugs (the ones which are very popular in use right now) make people leaner. That’s precisely why they’re in such high demand. If they didn’t work, people wouldn’t want them. They not only make people leaner but they can aid in reversing Type II diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. They are literally life saving medications.
Is he right that doctors don’t get to the root cause of problems? Perhaps some don’t. Assuming that every person with M.D. or D.O. after their name is the all knowing expert in all things related to the body is short-sighted. No medical professional is perfect and many of them seek out areas of specialization because the human body (and mind) are so incredibly complex. So, yes, it stands to reason that the doctor you’re working with (no matter how long you’ve worked with them) may not have every possible solution to what ails you.
If a patient comes in complaining of pain, it can take a series of questions from nurses, to P.A.s to M.D.s to try and pull together enough information to solve a problem.
Is the process foolproof? No.
Is the first line of defense for a problem the best option? No.
Sometime it takes trial and error and bloodwork and scans and specialists to be involved to get to the root cause of anything. Sometimes, the best option is a medication which may (or may not) be helpful. I should also add that every medication (no matter how much research is behind it) has a risk of side effects. Then again…so does cough syrup.
Let’s move on.
Joe then goes on to explain that weight loss medications are nothing more than “magic pills.” They work to suppress the appetite, meaning you eat less food which equates to fat loss. He then lets the narrative spin that if you remove the medication that you will regain the weight. And why? Well, because you didn’t actually change your behaviors and that if you would just follow these simple tips of: gaining more knowledge about how fat loss works, adding more protein to each meal, strength training 2x/week for 30 minutes, drinking more water and oh yes…learn about portion sizes and macros then you basically don’t need the medication.
Oh.Boy.
May I sidestep this for a few? I promise to come back to it.
I’d like you to think about depression for a moment.
Perhaps you struggle with it or you know a friend who does. In this case, medication may be warranted and advised. Of course, other factors in their life could contribute to improvements in depression such as exercise and a mostly nutritious diet. That being said, medication may still be what allows this person to live their best life. Sometimes, it may take the right medicine at the right dosage and some trial and error may be needed. However, antidepressants are not only socially acceptable but medically acceptable and you generally can appreciate that if the medicine is working then it stands to reason you may be on it indefinitely. In other words, no other interventions can have as dramatic of a positive effect as the medication itself and if you remove the medication, the depression will come back in full swing.
Now, let’s get back to our weight loss medications.
Hormones influence how we eat, as does our environment, and our stress levels and our sleep habits. A person who has struggled with their weight for most of their life may be faced with more environmental challenges than the person next to them. Maybe trauma, neglect or poverty has influenced how they eat.
So, can a “simple” intervention of strength training, a nutrient rich, “protein-centric” diet, hydration and more knowledge about fat loss help someone reach and maintain their goals. Absolutely!
But what happens to the people who just can’t make the pieces fit? Are they broken? Do they just lack willpower and motivation? Do they just need to hustle harder?
Think about that person with depression again. Wouldn’t life be simpler if they just smiled more often and could cheer the hell up?
Sorry, Joe, I know you meant well but you were way off base with this one.
Fact of the matter is this: weight loss medications are game changers and they give hope to people who have bounced from coach to coach to diet to diet who have all but given up on their goals because of weight stigma, fat-phobia, coaches who have little to no empathy, and decades of negative self-talk that they might never be able to succeed.
The weight loss medications can’t solve every problem though. Those who can take them DO still need to strength train, and they DO still need to drink plenty of water and they DO need to be more aware and conscious of nutritious foods and portion sizes appropriate to the bodies they want to achieve and maintain.
What the medications do successfully is help people achieve a deficit where they have previously struggled to do so. The medications will not make obsolete the help of a good strength coach or a good nutrition coach, they just make achieving the deficit easier to do.
These medications, as powerful as they are, don’t come without potential side effects and for some people those side effects are more pronounced than others.
One of my clients (who recently started one of these medications) said to me: This medication is life changing. Now I know how skinny people think.
I asked her to clarify that statement.
She said: I never understood how someone could just walk away from food on their plate. Now, the medication makes me want to eat healthy food and I don’t feel like I’m broken anymore. For years, I just thought something was wrong with me.
And Joe (knowing you may never read this), this is what hope can feel like. It’s not simply a “magic pill” (or shot to be more accurate), it can take someone from four medications down to one. And, there is a really good chance they may need to be on the weight loss medication long-term, just like our friend with depression.
So, rather than shame people for taking it and accusing them of short cuts, embrace them, support them, coach them and watch them thrive.
I was able to fly through the first ten to fifteen rather quickly and then it all started to get messy. The easiest thing is to rattle off thirty albums one truly loves but once you’re getting towards the last four or five, you start playing mental gymnastics about which album, which genre, what if you never heard another song from this artist again?
Music inhabits a place where you can escape for 3 minutes, 30 minutes, 70 minutes and be transported. It’s not that a book or a movie can’t do the same, but the time invested in those forms of expression is much longer.
Do I commit myself to three hours of The Godfather because it’s a cinematic masterpiece or do I turn on Led Zeppelin II and lose myself for 40 minutes?
Give me enough time and I can spout off 100 albums I can’t live without and still have room to flex and breathe with more. That doesn’t mean that the same 100 will apply to you. We may be of different eras, we may fall in love with different sounds and, if you can connect an album to a concert experience, how does that change the way the album sounds when you revisit it?
Concerts aside, music can transport you to a kiss, to a long-distance drive, to the time you cried so hard at the steering wheel you thought you’d get lost on the way home…
Music, for those who can appreciate it, will dig into your soul and change you. It will alter your life perspective, it will change the way you communicate, it will inspire the way you make love.
One of the most surreal experiences is hearing music for the first time and knowing that before the song is over, you’re going to be playing that song on repeat until it makes your ears ring.
Conversely, some music takes longer before it worms its way in. There are bands and artists that I’ve heard hundreds of times, always reaching to turn the dial (or hit skip) because I don’t (or didn’t) want to listen to them and then, all these years later, I come back and think: How was I so deaf to this?
And so, like a lightbulb switched on, you devour every note, every syllable, every melody and you can’t get enough until…
Until it’s time to cleanse the palate and change the groove.
There are bands that you’ll listen to and they can’t possibly stay in the same place twice. If you hear one album and you love it, they may never make another album like that again. Fortunately, it’s there for posterity and you can always go back.
And there are bands who can’t seem to get out of their own way and continue to make essentially the same music but with different lyrics or a different producer.
Who am I to say which approach is right or wrong?
Good music, timeless, classic music will never leave you. It may get remastered over the years and repackaged with lots of extra goodies for the next generation to consume and appreciate but it is always there, faithfully lingering waiting for you to just “press play”.
You get your pick too: will it be the purist’s pick of vinyl or the always flawless sound of a compact disc or the digital code of an mp3?
No matter what you choose, music is your passenger or your driver, it can lead the way or it can be your co-pilot.
And, wrapping this back around to the health side of things I typically write about, music can make you want to conquer your workout or it can be the driving pulse to your run.
Years ago, I thought the only way to work out was to listen to loud, aggressive music like punk, rap, or metal. Then, a coach friend was telling me that he intentionally listened to slow jams because it made him focus more on how he was lifting and his tempos. Initially, I thought he was crazy, until I tried myself and, I’ll be damned, he was right. Lifting to softer music can indeed make you focus more on the quality of your reps rather than wanting to demolish every weight that’s put in your face.
Music has been my most cherished therapist, it has figuratively saved my life, and, on more days than not, I tend to wake up first thing in the morning with a melody rolling through my brain.
Alas, I fear I’m wasting your time because the more time you spend reading this, the less time you’re spending listening to something spectacular.
Go find that song, drop the needle or just press play.
Pictured below, three albums I admittedly came late to the party over: (Steely Dan-Aja, Joy Division-Unknown Pleasures, and The Stooges-The Stooges)
Those who know me know how much I love music. I’m often unfairly opinionated and I know that taste is subjective.
I have never cared for Britney Spears’ music.
I have never listened to one of her albums.
I have never seen her in concert.
I, like many of you, have heard most of her hit songs because, in her prime, they were all over the radio or on TV, and it was hard to escape her when she was at the peak of her popularity.
I was working in music retail when her first few albums came out and we sold those albums like crazy.
I also was not much into the boy bands of the era either with the exception of NSync because it always seemed to me as if they had more talent than Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, or any of the lesser popular knockoffs around that time.
Of course, when Britney started dating Justin Timberlake, it only made sense. Here were two of the most popular pop stars of the time who became romantically linked following their tenure together in the Mickey Mouse Club.
I have also not generally been the type of person to find pleasure in watching someone’s train wreck of a life. So, when Britney’s story became more televised because of controversy than because of her music, I wasn’t interested. I knew something must have been wrong, but just like rubbernecking when you see a car accident, at a certain point, you don’t want to see the damage that’s been done to the bodies.
And, maybe you know where this is heading.
In case you didn’t know, Britney’s autobiography came out last week and it’s been making a lot of headlines.
Initially, it didn’t strike a chord with me, despite the fact that I love music biographies and autobiographies because there are so many artists and artist stories that I’m drawn to.
The trajectory has always fascinated me.
However, despite the fact that I never was a fan of Britney or her music, there was something about her that drew my attention.
It was the fact that there always seemed to be something darker under the surface.
Much like Madonna, but in different ways, there was something controversial or unsettled behind the scenes of Britney’s popularity and the things that happened in her life after she and Justin parted ways.
Perhaps this is a reason why I have an irrational dislike for artists like Taylor Swift, who, despite her talent and jaw-dropping popularity, she is, in my opinion, the epitome of what I struggle with in modern pop music: she is safe, she is saccharine and she is completely sanitized.
Harken back to the 80s, the 90s and even the early 2000s and the most popular stars of those eras always had something lurking beneath the surface that made you feel as if they were slightly dangerous, slightly different than the rest of us: from Michael to Prince to Madonna to George Michael and to Britney. Only two of those are still alive, mind you.
Despite my initial leaning, once the book came out, I purchased a physical copy so I could have it on my shelf, but I listened to the audiobook (which was brilliantly narrated by Michelle Williams).
Bear in mind, this is not fine literature. You won’t read this and consider Britney to be a mindblowing author. But that’s not the point.
What you may find, is that this is a woman, who grew up in a very small town in the South, had a very unfortunate and often traumatic upbringing, shot to a meteoric level of fame, had, without question one of the most public and visible relationships in modern popular culture, and when it ended and blew up in her face, she (and Timberlake) were only 21 years of age.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I knew where my life and maturity level were at the age of 21 and if my life had been magnified and scrutinized the way theirs was at that age, I probably would have had something of a breakdown as well.
When you look back, as Britney takes you down that road of those personal and professional decisions she made, those otherwise strange decisions have a slightly different perspective. She admits, in her own way, that she was often confused, aloof, shattered, taken advantage of, and on some occasions under the influence of a substance (sorry, I’m trying not to ruin the book, should you decide to read it).
Her father, perhaps the most notorious and damaging influence in her life, reminds you of another tyrant father in music history, Joe Jackson. The father to not only Michael Jackson but that entire family of talented children. What you see is children, who became ungodly wealthy, and parents who stood to become wealthy too, as long as they could manipulate and guide their children no matter what it took to do so.
Like any autobiography, what you’re getting is Britney’s perspective. Maybe she left some salacious details out and maybe she was spot on. We may never know.
What is apparent to me, as someone who is not a fan and will not be going back to devour her music like I might with someone else, is that much of her story is tragedy and tragedy in a very public and embarrassing way. The silver lining is that she appears to be a very loving and devoted mother, that she still loves to perform, and that the adoration of her fanbase and the #FreeBritney clan may have been her salvation.
You’ll hear stories in the book that will break your heart. You’ll also hear stories that give you clarity for how people can make the choices they do when the paparazzi are breathing down their necks all for the sake of a juicy headline.
I know that I normally write about nutrition, training and mindset topics and, I’ve given Britney Spears’ life more attention over the last week than I have over her entire career combined. But this isn’t just about her, it’s also about mental health and the attention, we as a very curious public tend to give it.
When A-list celebrities struggle with aspects of their mental health, it’s easy for them to become the punchline of jokes. Those punchlines, then, in turn, make others question their own mental health. It can lead to people wondering if they should see a therapist, if they should even speak about their mental health struggles and how/if they would be viewed if they didn’t handle every situation in their life perfectly.
For me, the book highlighted a lot of what’s wrong with the public when they turn to celebrities simply for the need to watch the trainwreck. I don’t know where Britney’s life will go after the release of this book. I don’t know that I’ll be drawn to any new music she decides to release.
What I do know is that I have a profound amount of respect for what she’s overcome. I don’t need to follow her on social media, I don’t need to buy tickets to her concert. I just have a lot more sympathy for someone who took the time and effort to put much of the good and bad of her life into the pages of the book so that all of us could take it in.
On that note, but a far more tragic one, Sinead O’Connor’s autobiography is also worth your attention. Sinead herself narrates the audiobook and it is absolutely worth diving into that version.
It’s a reminder that for our entertainment, stardom comes at a price.
Who’s paying admission for the show?
(Photo edited from the cover of her book “The Woman In Me”)
I’m kicking off the soft launch of my first online group coaching program “Fat Loss Simplified” this week.
If you missed the intake, I’ll be firing it back up for the official launch in January 2024.
The first week of the 8-week program is centered around mindset and for good reason.
I believe that once you get clarity on where your mindset will be in the framework of fat loss, all of the other variables are “simple” by comparison.
Within the mindset module is one area I intend to kick everything off with: the words “good” and “bad” in the vocabulary.
Contrary to the title of this post, it doesn’t just affect women, it affects men too.
However, most of my clients are female, so I’m positioning this article with them in mind and it absolutely has a carryover to men.
If there is any perspective with regard to how we view our food choices, our food quantity and how we view ourselves in relation to those factors, it’s that the words “good” and “bad” need to be dismissed.
They are, arguably, the most counterproductive words we can use.
You are not “good” when you eat a salad.
You are not “bad” when you eat a cookie.
You are not “good” when you eat in a planned deficit.
You are not “bad” when you accidentally or purposefully overeat.
You are not “good” because you are leaner.
You are not “bad” because you are in a larg(er) body.
You are not “good” because the scale went down.
You are not “bad” because the scale went up.
You are simply a person who has to navigate food, work responsibilities, child rearing, marriage/long term relationships, caregiving, illness, stress, lack of sleep, lack of coping skills, work, genetics, and a social life.
You are allowed and expected to not be perfect.
You have permission to be imperfect.
Your success at fat loss can come as a direct result of that imperfection but that still gives you room for improvement.
And we are ALL trying to improve.
The words “good” and “bad” don’t just affect people in larg(er) bodies, they are also front of mind and tip of tongue for people who are at or near their ideal weight.
No matter how they’re used, they come with cinderblocks for shoes as dead weight, that we will only be “good” if we achieve an arbitrary ideal.
Instead, I’d like to posit a very simple spectrum.
You are HERE and where you want to be is THERE.
A straight line exists between each.
The choices you make with regard to your food, the quantity of your food, whether you work out (or not), and how you manage your self talk gets you closer to or further from where you want to be on that spectrum.
It’s not “good” or “bad”, it’s “closer to” or “further from”.
What I’m asking of you is a BIG ask. I’m asking you to change the verbiage that has been a part of your life for years upon years. I’m asking you to change verbiage that you will hear people around you say.
I’m putting the onus on you to change those words in your mind and your vocabulary.
If you want change, YOU are in charge of implementing it.
That doesn’t mean easy to do.
It means necessary.
Because what “good” is the body you want, if you’ve wrecked your mental health to get there?
It’s been a while since I’ve been able to update everyone on all of the services we’re able to offer here.
If you’re local to Stow, Ohio, we’d love for you to come to the studio and train with us. We’ve been a semi-private personal training studio since I opened our doors in 2009. Per session our rate is $35 and there are no contracts to sign or hidden fees associated with membership.
Not everyone is geographically close to us and that rate may not work for every budget, so I’d like to give you a breakdown of everything else we do that can help people via virtual/online programs.
If you already have the equipment you need and you’re comfortable with the way to perform most exercises, I can customize a monthly training plan for you based on what you have access to. That option is $69/month with no term commitment. You can cancel at any time.
If you already have the equipment you need, but you’d like the flexibility of being able to send me videos for form checks, a personalized training plan can also be made for you. That option is $109/month with no term commitment.
If what you need is personalized nutrition coaching, this option is $199/month. This includes weekly checks-ins, video feedback, full access to direct messaging, and the option of one 30-minute Zoom call each month. There is a 3-month minimum commitment on this program. After 3 months, you can cancel at any time.
If you want access to both a training plan, with form checks and nutrition coaching (as referenced in the previous two paragraphs), this option is $299/month. There is a 3-month mininum commitment on this program. After 3 months, you can cancel at any time.
Lastly, I’m in the process of launching my first 8-week online group coaching program called “Fat Loss Simplified”. This first go-round will be a soft launch before everything offically launches in January 2024. This is not a fat loss contest or a fat loss challenge. It’s a way for me to give you as many tools as I can to help you succeed with fat loss on your terms. The deadline for sign ups is this Friday, October 20. The fun begins the week of October 23. If you miss this launch, you can always join in next year but the price will jump up about 20%. If you sign up by October 20, the price is $109/month for two months.
No matter which option you choose, I’d love to get the chance to help you get closer to your goals.
Just like Coach Sebastian (below), everyone needs options to succeed.
Thinking back on our vows, it’s easy to let time corrode what you promise to give one another.
It’s easy to get complacent.
It’s easy to let a flame go out.
It takes work to keep things going, through good and bad, and be able to look at your partner and say: I’m still in this, I’m still with you, and we’re going to do this together.
Maybe when we picked “Come Rain or Come Shine” by Ray Charles as our wedding song, those lyrics would become more profound with each passing year.
October 11 will mark nine years since we tied the knot.
Marissa asked me last week, what I recall with the most fondness from our previous year of marriage (from year eight to year nine).
And I remarked that this year seemed like one year in particular where we seemed to be focused on everyone else around us “almost” more than on each other.
This past year was one where the health of family members took priority, where parenting became more of a focal point than a focus on the marriage.
And that may sound like a bad thing, but I don’t think it was.
We (re)built a foundation that allowed us to put our focus on the people who needed it, when they needed it, and knowing our marriage would not only survive but thrive.
It’s also been a year where we’ve had to renew the focus on our own personal health.
I started the year getting updated bloodwork to see how my own health was trending. Fortunately, anything that required attention was an easy fix with some simple diet tweaks and some supplementation. At this point in my life, I don’t need to be on any medication and I’m thankful for that.
Marissa has also been struggling with some health issues as well over the past couple of years, and we’ve been putting a lot of time and effort into trying to get that resolved, too. Unfortunately, she’s had fewer obvious solutions which requires us to go further down the rabbit hole of specializations and tests upon tests, to get the answers that she/we need.
We made a pact a couple of years ago that if we were going to put our money somewhere, it would be in how we feed our family. We can’t afford (physically or financially) to let our health slip out of control if we can help it.
Some illnesses will come up that we have less control over and we have to find the right people to help along the way. That’s the beauty and privilege of a medical system that can work towards answers.
We’ve reached an age where it’s not just about caring for our health, but it’s trying to live the best lives we can for the benefit of Jackson and Sebastian and to help care for and care with our own parents who are inevitably growing closer to an age where they need help we can provide.
If there’s a bit of advice I can give you, based on our lessons learned from this year, it’s to stay up with your bloodwork and the advice of your doctors so that nothing slips past you beyond a point where you can change it. We weren’t meant to live forever but I’ve yet to meet the person who isn’t trying to add quality to their years in this world.
And to my wife, to another year of love, of teamwork and support, of parenting and growing together. It’s been another unique year to a love story that has continued to show resiliency.
Ray said it best: I’m gonna love you, like no one’s loved you, come rain or come shine.
There appears to be two opposing forces in our lives:
The one that begs you to hustle and grind and the one that urges you to pause and find calm.
Both have value but it’s a delicate balance trying to find when to switch one off and turn the other on.
Our phones, our inbox, and our itineraries make us slaves to convenience and urgency.
There is the call to be efficient, and hyper-productive as a badge of honor to wear around those who rely on what we do and do well.
On the other side, we need the gravitational pull of stillness, of quiet, and reflection to ease the chaos.
This happens in our professional lives and our personal lives.
Several years ago, I recognized these two forces with my work and it reminded me that I needed to split our day into two training blocks: an A.M. shift and a P.M. shift with a handful of hours as downtime in between.
It was the best way to have the hustle and grind bookending the work day with a strategic calm in the middle.
There had to be a way to honor and recognize both needs.
Of course, it’s easy to get busy being busy and it’s easy to fill up time in the white space of a daily planner not taking the time to recharge but only finding more places to do more.
Much like our smartphones, we get a lot of usage and mileage out of a day, but if you don’t get back on the charger you don’t have much life to offer others.
Some people use meditation.
Some people use prayer.
Some people use apps and websites designed to turn off our computers or phones and block distractions.
I have to remind myself to find the calm, especially when I sit down and eat a meal.
One of my most counterproductive eating behaviors is to eat a meal at a frighteningly fast pace.
It’s a conscious act to slow down, set my fork down, and stop…savor…breathe.
Of note, this is one of the best tips I can give you if you’re struggling with your weight.
Slow Down.
Many of the foods we fill our cabinets and freezers with are custom designed to be consumed and consumed quickly, long before our bodies register any feelings of satiety.
What works in our lives, both personal and professional, works with (or against) our diets and affects our stress levels and sleep habits.
So, take a moment after reading this and look at the areas in your day and your week where you’re rushing from one task to the next, not pausing to find the calm.
Jason Leenaarts 