Killing Off The Person You’re Running From

It was 2003 and I had just moved to Tennessee from Ohio with the woman who would be Jackson’s mom (we were still dating at the time.)

It seemed like the right time and place to start fresh.

She and I were both trying to restart our lives in a new location and I was about seven years into my ten-year foray with drugs.

As a by-product of leaving Ohio, I had to split my band up. A band that was named after one of my middle names: Mabry.

So, in Tennessee, I started referring to myself on almost all documentation as Mabry Leenaarts instead of Jason, the name I had spent the previous 27+ years going by.

I knew I was trying to bury some part of myself. I just didn’t know which part.

In a way, it felt refreshing. I was in a new place with my “new” name and it seemed like the pieces might fit.

The problem was, there was this addict I was still trying to come to terms with. He was the person I really needed to put in my rearview mirror and had unsuccessfully done so with up to that point.

You see, in 2003, there was no way in hell you were going to get me to admit I had a drug problem. I was bound and determined to keep that a part of my identity because I was still fully functional. I could hold down a full time job, still write music and attempt to live a normal life.

But it wasn’t normal. Inside, I was miserable and drugs were how I coped with that misery. There was no one who could help me but me and I wasn’t at that breaking point where I knew something had to give.

I was honestly at a place where it seemed everyone else needed to change except me.

God forbid I be the broken one.

I would love to tell you that by getting clean three years later that all of the problems in my life subsided and I was able to follow a straighter path from there on out. 

It’s not true. 

Getting clean was monumental for me but being clean opened up a whole new can of worms that I could only look at with more clarity since the drugs weren’t there to mask my reality. 

I got clean in 2006 and if I’m being painfully honest with both you as the reader and myself, I didn’t start to get my shit together until after I started this business in 2009. 

Everything, and I mean, everything in my life has been sloooooooooow progress. 

And this is what I want to write you about. 

I support my family by training people (just like yourself) who want to improve their health. I find joy in this process, I believe I empathize with this process and I think I have a somewhat unique perspective to apply and help. 

Where I find so many people struggle is they have a goal YET they have a lifestyle that has been on the polar opposite side of that goal.

In other words, they eat out at restaurants more than is beneficial for them.

They are more sedentary than what is beneficial for them.

They have more negative self-talk than what is productive or beneficial for them. 

And there is this tug of war that happens internally where the client REALLY wants to achieve their goal BUT they are still very much connected to the person who is keeping them from that goal: themselves. 

As I have mentioned in myriad ways throughout my writing over the years, I believe you have to bury certain elements of this other person. The goal you’re trying to attain, the one you deserve to attain is not in harmony with the other end of the spectrum. They are diametrically opposed to one another. 

You can’t be successful at self-care and be a complete asshole to your health at the same time. It won’t work. And that’s why it has not worked for you up to this point.

As it related to me in 2003, changing my name didn’t change my life. It simply allowed me an attempt to polish a turd. 

Life had to change. 

So, you can hop to as many diets and supplements and shakes and pills as you like. I did. I tried all sorts of things to improve what I felt I could or should have in my life. It didn’t work until my belief in myself changed. 

I believe that the person you are running from, this person who is on the other side of your goal has to stay behind you. I am reminded of my friend and fellow trainer, Chuck Gross, who is a former guest on my show and has successfully maintained 200 pounds of weight loss. When he thinks about the person he was 200 pounds ago, he says (I am paraphrasing): He’s dead to me. He’s gone. 

This is what I had to do for myself when I got clean. This other person, this terribly unhealthy person both physically and mentally had to die off. He can’t come back. I won’t let him. 

It may seem like a very callous and cold way to approach your health and wellness. Like many things, this approach may not work for everyone. But if you have spent many years in a cycle of self-destruction, as I did, you may have to take a more drastic measure to succeed. 

This approach, this rip-the-bandage-off approach will not be understood by many. And, I will warn you, you could lose friends, you could change jobs, you could lose your relationship/marriage. It’s that pivotal and dramatic of a shift. 

It is not my hope or desire that these things in your life occur. I just know, from watching people improve their health in the decade of this business’s tenure, that dramatic change has a profound effect on those in your inner circle. Not always, but sometimes. 

So, when you look in the mirror, and when you look at your lot in life and you tell yourself how important your goal is: be ready for turmoil. Some of it good, some of it less so. 

I will repeat this: YOU DESERVE SUCCESS. 

But…no one will hand it to you. This is not a lottery ticket that you scratch off and win on. This is hard. Excruciatingly hard. Ask anyone who’s ever transformed their lives and made the change stick. No one can bottle this solution up and stick it on a shelf to sell to you. 

My kind and affectionate urge to you is to realize this and tear that bandage off. 

Your time is now. 

Below is the most recent picture of me with my boys. I can tell you, with full certainty, they would not be of this world if I didn’t put the wheels in motion to be who and what I am today. 

“We Make Great People Greater”

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Revolutionary You! #196-BONUS-Rafal Mastuszewski: The IronClad Body Training System

Rafal Matuszewski is back on the show after our episode together (#112) back in 2018. He is both a fellow trainer and podcast host and he is now releasing his first program to the masses. It’s called The IronClad Body Training System. In this episode, he discusses the origins of the program and why he took such a unique approach in creating it. It is a great program for both clients and trainers and we were able to time the release of this episode with the day he launches it. You can order your copy of the program by going to www.ironcladbody.com To learn more about Rafal’s work, subscribe to his podcast “Cut the S#!t, Get Fit” and follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/rmatuszewski and on Instagram at www.instagram.com/cuttheshitgetfitpodcast To learn more about your host, visit www.jasonleenaarts.com and www.revfittherapy.com You can also like our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/revolutionaryou Download, subscribe, share with your friends and please take a moment to leave us an iTunes review.

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Revolutionary You! #195-Patrick Umphrey: The 3rd Annual Au-Some Father’s Day

As the title suggests, Patrick Umphrey joins me again for our 3rd annual chat about fatherhood, autism, coaching and more. Patrick remains a fantastic guy, loving father, and a great coach who oversees a tremendous fitness community on Facebook called Eat, Train, Progress. You can learn more about his work by searching for and joining the group and by subscribing to his new podcast: Eat, Train, Progress Radio on your podcast app of choice. To learn more about your host, check out http://www.jasonleenaarts.com and http://www.revfittherapy.com You can also like our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/revolutionaryou Download, subscribe, share with your friends and please take a moment to leave us an iTunes review.

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Because…Dad

There are typically three times throughout a given year when I feel most compelled to write about my Dad: the anniversary of his passing (March 23), Father’s Day and his birthday (August 18.)

Each year that passes since he did, I try to think about lessons he taught me, memories I shared with him and some reflections on if I learned anything at all from the 35 years I got to spend with him in this world.

So, in a way, this post (leading up to Father’s Day) is about him.

But not completely.

I am an only child and I never had to share my Father’s love with another sibling. I have literally no idea what that feels like.

Nearing the end of my Dad’s life, he got to enjoy three years of being an Opa (grandfather) to Jackson before he left this world. A role in life that he loved.

And in the time since he’s been gone, he is an Opa in memory and inspiration to Sebastian, who sadly will never be able to experience what life with my Dad would be like.

And I guess that leaves me in a strange place, never quite regaining my footing in the eight years since Dad’s been gone and knowing that I have to be closer to the man he was for my boys, because they deserve it.

It’s not just the memory of my Father that carries me through. I get to train great men, great fathers, every day here at the studio. I listen to the way they talk about their children, how they struggle or rejoice in raising them and I take inspiration.

I look at things that other fathers do and I just try to understand what makes them tick, what inspires them to greater heights and, in turn, how do their children respond?

There are few apples-to-apples comparisons that I can make. I have a son with special needs and I have a son who is neuro-typical. They both require a different type of parenting. And I remain, ever the student, still learning. Still trying to apply those lessons.

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I write this article in tribute to my father who taught me every skill or lesson I would ever need to know about being a truly great man. I live with a frustration that he did not get to see enough of those lessons come to my life within me during his time with us.

Should there be a heaven which I was raised to believe there was, I find some hope that he’s watching. As a result, I try to make as few mistakes as possible as I don’t want to let him down now as I did so frequently when he was here.

I write this article to every father I train at the studio. I give all of you my heartfelt and sincere thanks for reminding me that, while a mother can give a child things we cannot, a father has an obligation to instill great lessons in our children. Be kind, be true, be honest, be fair, be strong, be humble, be sensitive, be compassionate…

The men, the fathers, that I train here show me their capacity to be all of those things.

It shows. I see it.

And I write this article for those men who know, like me, that they have obligations not just to their children but to themselves. To take care of their bodies as they do their minds. To be on this earth for as long as time will allow.

Which leads me to an explanation of the picture you see below. Something that resonates with me on a level I will likely fail to express appropriately.

When Ned first came to the studio to inquire about our services, he had already heard about the work we do. And I asked him the big question that I ask so often of our weight loss clients: “Why” do you want to lose weight?

Ned’s answer hit me like a ton of bricks.

“I lost my Dad several years ago to complications from dementia. I just have to take better care of myself to not let this happen to me as well.”

He started crying and I’ll be very frank, I was ready to cry too.

“I understand.” I told him. “I lost my Dad several years ago too. I haven’t been right since. Nearly everything I do for my health I do because I want to be in this world longer than he was.”

And Ned has continued to fulfill that obligation to himself. As of this writing, he’s down 27 pounds, with more to come.

We have had some painfully candid conversations in the handful of months that he has been here. I hold nothing back, neither does he. Life doesn’t always give us “pretty” truths.

But the other day, he came in to train and he happened to be here at a time when both his wife and his daughter were here training as well. I should mention that his experience here and the kind words he shared about us with others has led to us having the opportunity to work with his whole family (and one of his colleagues.)

Ned went to weigh in and I noticed a significant drop from his previous weigh in. I asked him if he knew how much he had lost. He said “No, I just let you tell me.”

“Buddy, you’re down 27 lbs!”

We typically will line up (myself and the client) underneath our RevFit logo to flash our fingers up of how much weight the client has lost. As we were doing so, Ned’s daughter Sammy had my phone to capture the shot.

Ned and I were stepping into position to get ready for the shot and he started crying.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied “I’m just so happy.”

I gave him a hug and told him how proud I was of him. And unbeknownst to me, Sammy captured the shot.

To me, being a father means wearing a lot of different hats. None of which are more or less important than the hats a mother has to wear. But Dads do things perhaps a little bit differently than Moms do.

To watch Ned fulfill the promise he made to himself about his health makes me over the moon happy for him. His journey is far from over. There will be many more candid conversations to have.

Ned is another in a long line of aforementioned examples of fathers I pay close attention to. I watch because I want to learn. How do other great men do it? How do other great men live lives as great fathers?

I have looked at this picture many times since it was taken last week. And every time, it damn near makes me break down in tears.

It’s one of the few times in my life that I will give myself credit for being the man my father wanted me to be. Someone who could inspire as many as he did when he was with us. As I told him, a month before he passed, “I’ll never be the person you are, not even on my best day.” The words which will always, always, always be with me that he said in return: “Just be a good father.”

I am trying Dad, I promise.

“We Make Great People Greater”

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Revolutionary You! #194-BONUS-Nancy Gass: The Rise Of Nikola Rosa

On this week’s bonus episode, I welcome Nancy Gass (a.k.a Nikola Rosa.) She and I recently met at The Fitness Summit and unlike the majority of the attendees she is not a fitness professional. She is, however, connected with a very popular guest of ours in Kelly Coffey. Nancy’s personal story I found equally intriguing and heartbreaking. We talk about that story in this week’s episode. To learn more about Nancy’s work, visit http://www.nikolarosa.com To learn more about your host, check out http://www.jasonleenaarts.com and http://www.revfittherapy.com You can also like our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/revolutionaryou Download, subscribe, share with your friends and please take a moment to leave us an iTunes review.

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Revolutionary You! #193-Dr. Mike T. Nelson: Is CBD Oil the Miracle Supplement or All-Hype?

Having heard Dr. Mike T. Nelson speak last year and this year at The Fitness Summit, I knew how far in depth he goes with his research. This year, his presentation was focused on the data surrounding CBD oil. Dr. Mike uncovers what he believes are the most valid and most invalid purposes of this popular supplement. I’ll let the episode speak for itself! To learn more about Dr. Mike’s work, check out http://www.miketnelson.com and text 44222 for his keto e-book and to be part of his mailing list. To learn more about your host, check out http://www.jasonleenaarts.com and http://www.revfittherapy.com You can also like our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/revolutionaryou Download, subscribe, share with your friends and please take a moment to leave us an iTunes review.

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Maybe A Little Less Self-Hatred Was The Answer All Along

Growing up, I never recall hearing things from my parents that made me doubt my own abilities. Neither my mother nor my father would tell me things about myself that made it seem like I was incapable of being someone of value.

All of my unhappiness with myself seemed to come from other places. I would take every example of unrequited love with a desired or actual girlfriend and form some narrative that I just wasn’t good enough. I would fan those flames more every time I wasn’t picked for an athletic event at school. I would continue to think less of myself if I felt I didn’t have the intelligence to understand a class I was required to take.

And that inner voice would just gnaw at me:

“She doesn’t like you because you’re ugly.”

“You weren’t picked for the team because you can’t aim when you throw.”

“You don’t understand the equation because you’re stupid.”

No one told me these things directly. I told myself these things. Over and over and over again.

And every time Goodyear would transfer our family to a different state/country, I’d go through all of these feelings again.

I could even find a way to craft the narrative to say: “They don’t want you as a friend because you’re not cool enough and you don’t wear the cool clothes.”

I recall living in one place in particular where the social norms were so specific, even my mother had to convince my father that if he didn’t buy me a certain brand of clothing and/or get me involved in certain social functions, that I would never fit in in that town.

This would have been circa 1988.

Even my mother knew they had to play the game. The cliques were that apparent, so ingrained in that city.

And when you spend the better part of your adolescence telling yourself these stories, these fabricated stories about yourself, you not only start to believe them…you become them.

So, it should come as no surprise that as I got older these stories became my life. And my life became a mess.

Now I could take the fuel of that feeling of being unattractive, uncool, and lacking in talent and become something different. Now I was someone who believed all the bad things I said about myself. That fuel became the desire to want to end my life and the words I told myself were: You are not good enough, you have no value, your parents will be better off when you’re gone.

It didn’t matter (at the time) that I did indeed have some talent, that I was attractive (or more so than I told myself) and that people actually did care about me.

The story I began to craft for myself made it easier to self-destruct.

And in hindsight, it explains all of the drugs, all of the promiscuity, all of the infidelity, all of the lies and all of the misery.

I became the person even I could no longer trust or look at in the mirror.

For me, the coping mechanism was drugs. All of my unhappiness could vanish behind substances. For my clients (many of them), the coping mechanism is food, maybe alcohol, maybe medication or some combination of each.

Many of my clients suffer from those same feelings of inadequacy and it manifests into a body they can no longer be happy with and emotions they can no longer live with.

So, it shouldn’t surprise me when some of my clients can’t reach their goals. It’s a lot of self talk…a lot of very bad, very dark, very destructive self talk.

For them, it’s the voice that says “You are not worthy of success. You don’t deserve that body that you are working towards.”

And it paralyzes them. Just like it did me.

People ask me how I got clean. I got clean because I couldn’t live with that piece of shit human being I had become.

I stop lying because no part of my life improved due to my dishonesty with myself and with others.

And slowly, very slowly, I tried to focus on self-improvement.

Fitness started it for me but fitness didn’t save me. It just helped me get one foot in front of the other. Then I started eating better, then I started feeling better. So, my external appearance changed.

And then became the even slower change with what was inside me. I had to kill off this person who could find no value in himself and start asking myself that million dollar question:

How will you choose to live in this world?

When I became a father, that answer became a little bit clearer. I could not be the person I had been and raise a son in good conscience to be anything like me. I had to love myself first. Even if it was a fraction more than I could muster the day before.

Then I started this business and it was my opportunity to move the needle forward again. I had to be the person who transformed. I had to be, to some degree, a success, so I could coach my clients to success.

And my life, as I write this, is so much better. It’s so much more fulfilling.

I still fight that voice though. There is that nagging whisper in my mind that says “It can all come crashing down.”

And maybe that’s what keeps me going. I’ve lived a life where the only person who could tear me down was me. So, I had to start controlling the impact that voice had on my life.

It started with recognizing that maybe I wasn’t as bad of a person as I thought. Maybe I could put enough good back out into the world and establish some value, some worth, and get just a little bit of my dignity back.

And I don’t have it all figured out yet. I still look at this guy in the mirror and say: “You’re not what you should be.”

But I keep trying. I’m constantly in awe of these painfully small bits of improvement.

I guess it started with hating myself a little bit less every day so I could be less distracted by my negative self talk and motivated by helping others do the same.

And when you see this picture below of Jackson and myself, it’s another reminder (as it is for Sebastian): he deserves better than the person you used to be. Be the person you were meant to be.

“We Make Great People Greater”

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Revolutionary You! #192-Dr. Yoni Freedhoff: How Do We Feed Our Kids?

He remains one of my most popular guests so I’m always honored to bring back Dr. Yoni Freedhoff to the show. His previous episodes were #37 and #136 respectively. On this week’s episode, we dive into the sensitive subject of the diets our children are exposed to and the best ways to navigate the food they eat for their health. If you’re a fellow parent, I can’t recommend this episode enough. To learn more about Dr. Yoni’s work, please check out his book “The Diet Fix” and his website www.weightymatters.ca To learn more about your host, check out www.jasonleenaarts.com and www.revfittherapy.com You can also like our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/revolutionaryou Download, subscribe, share with your friends and please take a moment to leave us an iTunes review.

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The Stubborn Asshole’s Guide To Weight Loss

Confession: I am a stubborn asshole.

And I’ve realized over all these years here at RevFit that many of my clients are as well. (I mean that affectionately!)

Let me try and dig myself out of this one…can you hand me that shovel?

Male, female, young, old, most of us have this stubborn quality about us. It’s that side that says “I can do what I want, when I want!”

Especially if you are over the age of 18 which means that you are officially #adulting.

But with weight loss, this behavior can backfire tremendously.

It’s this side of stubbornness that says “Because my diet tells me I cannot have the cookie, I WILL EAT THE COOKIE! Screw you, diet! I am a grown-ass adult and I DO WHAT I WANT!”

And yes, you are a grown-ass adult and you CAN do what you want.

It’s a free country and you have free will and you are free to do anything you please. You just aren’t free from the consequences of those actions (or so says your waistline.)

I say…use your stubbornness to your advantage.

Rather than let your stubborn side demolish the fridge or the pantry, re-frame the quality to have a different type of defiance.

As in:

Because I am stubborn, I will follow the plan.

Because I am stubborn, I can say “No” without feeling guilty.

Because I am stubborn, I can succeed where others might fail.

Because I am stubborn, I’ll post a proverbial middle finger to the stats that say I can’t lose weight and keep it off.

Allow me to use my own stubborn asshole self to illustrate the point.

When Marissa was pregnant with Sebastian, it was the perfect environment for me to gain weight. After all, most men gain weight when their wives are expecting. But I had different goals for myself. I was at a weight I was comfortable with but I wanted to drop a few pounds and some body fat so that I could slowly rebuild and put on more muscle mass.

Here I was, in my wife’s third trimester, and as her cravings were increasing, I was pulling my calories back.

How did I do it?

Well, I kept a tighter eye on the calories I ate throughout the day so that I could still have a “normal” dinner with her at night. Most of her cravings for sweets and such were affecting her throughout the day while I was at work so it wasn’t within my field of vision anyway.

Even when she was admitted into the hospital to deliver Sebastian, I was at the mercy of the hospital food. Thankfully, they had the calories posted for each of the menu items and that made it easy to stick to the plan.

How much weight did I lose? About 9 pounds in about 6 weeks. Not too shabby for a skinny bastard like me!

Calories aside though. Every person has the perfect storm of events to derail them when they want to lose weight. Every person has friends, family, social lives, holidays, etc. that take the best of intentions, flip them upside down and say “Nope! You’re not gonna lose weight this week either!!”

Many of us are also pleasers. We want to say Yes to every opportunity thrown in our face:

“Wanna grab a beer and wings on Friday?” YES!

“Wanna go to the movies and get some buttered popcorn?” YES!

“Wanna help me bake some cookies for the kids so they can take them to school?” YES!

And hey, there’s nothing wrong with any of those things. They just aren’t the most helpful avenues when weight loss is the goal. I mean, can anyone just stop at one handful of popcorn? Are these people human? Give me that bucket, dammit!

As the proverb goes: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I’d say this applies pretty nicely to dieting. Let’s face it: dieting is hell, nobody likes it and the only people who try to convince you otherwise are worse than stubborn assholes. They’re just assholes!

Look at your stubbornness another way. Ever get into an argument with a loved one? You know, one of those ridiculous over-blown, stamp your feet and wave your hands and poke your mouth out arguments where there is no way in hell that your loved one is right? (I know, I have no idea what I’m talking about here…)

How do those arguments go? Well, while we’re sticking our bottom lip out that’s our stubbornness saying “I’m not going to give in to you. I’m right, you’re wrong. You owe me an apology/hug/kiss and don’t ever do it again!” You know, it’s a fairly unproductive stubbornness. Nobody “wins” when this happens. Let me rephrase that: it’s a short term win that usually requires some level of compromise to bring both sides back to reality.

This is the same stubbornness that leads you to the freezer for the pint of ice cream. It’s the less rational stubbornness. And yes, we all have this (some more than others.)

I’m not saying don’t be stubborn. I want you to be stubborn. But I want you to harness it differently.

Ever see one of those optical illusions where the artwork is designed to have two distinctly different pictures? When you first look at it, it appears to have one picture. But when you look at the caption, they ask can you see “this” or “that?” Same picture, different outcomes.

That’s how I want you to view your stubbornness. It’s not an inherently bad characteristic. It’s just one that gets utilized for ill effect.

If you’re on a weight loss path right now, look at the things you choose to get stubborn about. You can #adult and still follow a calorie plan. You can also pull your big kid pants up and throw away the junk food, stop pouring so much damn creamer in your coffee, drink some more water and stop saying Yes to every event that you know you’re going to blow your daily intake at if you attend.

A stubborn you can be synonymous with a healthier you. It just takes a candid chat with that stubborn inner asshole to say “I’m going to use you to my benefit…this time.”

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention another layer to the stubborn asshole inside of all of us. It’s the one that says “This is so unfair and I don’t want to do the things I have to do to lose the weight.”

I don’t know about you, but growing up I don’t recall liking chores. My parents had different things I could do to earn an allowance and as memory serves none of it was enjoyable. But what were my choices? Pitch a fit and say “No?” That never ended well and I would still be without my allowance.

Dieting is similar. Sometimes you have to do the things you don’t want to do for the outcomes that you actually want. Come to think of it, it’s the same reality in our jobs, our relationships, and our lives. It’s just a given that (to quote Dave Tate) you have to “embrace the suck.”

So, my suggestion this week is to unleash your “stubborn asshole” and let him/her win the game. Now you know how to play it differently.

Below is a picture of our last workout crew with trainer, Luke Whittenberger (middle.) Luke is off to OSU to finish his Masters/Phd in physical therapy. He was a great asset to our studio in the year that he was here, he will be dearly missed but he will always be considered RevFit family. Knowing this crew as I do, they all have a healthy dose of stubbornness in them…and that’s just the way we love them.

“We Make Great People Greater”

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Revolutionary You! #191-Dr. Susan Kleiner: The Case For Grains

For her third appearance on the show (see episodes #135 and #142), Dr. Susan Kleiner joins me to discuss some of her presentation from the 2019 Fitness Summit. She had a fascinating take on what’s been happening with grain production, manufacturing and how our bodies have, in turn, responded to them. An episode fully focused on grains had not been accomplished yet on this show and we dove in to it this week. Dr. Susan is always a wealth of great information and I know you won’t be disappointed with this one. To learn more about her work and to purchase her books, please visit http://www.drskleiner.com To learn more about your host, check out http://www.jasonleenaarts.com and http://www.revfittherapy.com You can also like our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/revolutionaryou Download, subscribe, share with your friends and please take a moment to leave us an iTunes review.

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