I’m turning 50 this week.

So, here’s a rambling list of 50 things you can do to be better.

Better at, almost anything.

It’s a collection of thoughts, some original, some paraphrased from others, some credited where I remember the appropriate source.

It’s a collection that has come from a history of successes and failures and, ten years from now, some of my thoughts and feelings may have evolved and changed from where they are today.

1. You owe it to yourself to move your body as often as you can. Walk, run, lift weights, do yoga/pilates, hike, dance, etc. Just move and do it as consistently as you can. When I read the book “Younger Next Year”, the sentiment was: the body does one of two things, it can grow or decay, you get to choose which one.
2. Love your partner fully and completely. It won’t be perfect, you’ll make mistakes, and when you do make mistakes, own up to those mistakes. Yes, I know not every partnership is destined to last forever, but when you find the right one, put the time and effort in to keep the bond strong.
3. Don’t ever stop learning. Treat your brain like a muscle that must be stimulated constantly. Stretch yourself outside of your comfort zone. One of the most gratifying and challenging things I’ve done recently was embark on the entire 32 lecture series of Robert Sapolsky’s Human Behavioral Biology course. It was over 50 hours of content, available for free on YouTube which comprised the entirety (minus supplemental homework and testing) of his Stanford course. Absolutely mind blowing.
4. Eat the most nutritious food you can afford to feed yourself MOST of the time. Make sure you have some flexibility for some fun foods to make up the majority of your diet.
5. Do your chores. Whether you work a full-time job or not, make sure that you and the person you share a roof with has some division of responsibility. For me, I LOVE doing laundry. It’s my jam. But I also contribute to cleaning, dishes, etc. I’m not above doing any task in the home, even though some tasks are not my best skillset.
6. Respect yourself. That means how you treat your body, how you speak to and about yourself and how you allow others to speak about you in your presence. The foundation of how you treat the home you live in 24/7 begins with how you feel about yourself.
7. It’s amazing to me how many people actively body shame others. This is regardless of the size of someone’s body. If you’re too thin, you’re under scrutiny and if someone thinks you take up too much space, you’re under scrutiny as well. No one is safe from criticism. Practice acceptance of others. Most people won’t fall into a place of better health because they were shamed into it.
8. Protect your mental health at all costs. Hire a therapist if need be.
9. Heal.Your.Trauma.
10. A lot of our challenges in life can be solved by learning how to take a deep breath, go for a walk, and clear your mind. Journal out your frustrations if need be and give your thoughts space to breathe.
11. There is something genuinely beautiful about an aging body. I’m not saying it doesn’t come with its share of obstacles, but there’s a story to be told about a body which has spanned decades. Certain things don’t get easier with time but that story is often speckled with little miracles. Be proud of those miracles.
12. Whether you pray, meditate, or both, have a practice that allows you to calm the chaos of your mind.
13. Data is great (to a point). But in a day and age where nearly everything has a quantifiable metric, remember that numbers only tell one side of a story. The more important story is: are you building a better version of you?
14. I don’t think you need a LOT of friends to have a good life. I do think you need a FEW friends who can be open, honest and candid with you. People like this are invaluable and can help you see your own blind spots about yourself.
15. If you find yourself getting stuck inside your head about your own problems, be of service to others. Sometimes, you need a distraction from the challenges you’re facing and sometimes, seeing the value you give to the lives of others helps you reframe the perspective you need for your own life.
16. I find it fascinating how reducing physical clutter in your life has a nice correlation to reducing your mental clutter as well.
17. I know not everyone is fond of physical touch beyond loved ones, but it’s hard to beat a good hug.
18. I would like to thank the LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC people in my life for continuing to show me what an abundance of love and respect can do to help someone live a fulfilling life. If you don’t have many of these people in your life, work on that. My life is immeasurably better as a result and the love and respect is reciprocated.
19. If you’re going to take a supplement as a way to improve your health, make sure it’s 3rd party tested. There will be a stamp on the supplement showing that the manufacturer went the extra step in ensuring that what they say is in the bottle is actually what’s there. Supplement usage ranks towards the top in causes of liver damage, so just because something “seems” safe, doesn’t mean it is.
20. Work towards being a better listener. As the adage goes, we have two ears to hear and one mouth to speak. Use accordingly.
21. Share your desserts.
22. You don’t have complete control over your health, sometimes, things just go wrong. But you do have some influence over how your health can play out. Stack the deck in your favor to the best of your ability.
23. I’m not sure where I stand on the sentiment: “Don’t go to bed mad.” I think when you’re mad, you may just need to feel your feelings. What I will say is: Don’t run from your confrontations. Face them. Work through them. Be respectful.
24. Hug your kids. If you don’t have kids, hug your fur babies.
25. If no one’s told you yet today, I’m proud of you. I’m glad you’re in this world. Now, take that, and pay it forward.
26. My wife and I have been together as a couple for almost 16 years. I flirt with her as much now as I did then. Don’t lose that ability to keep that going in your own relationship.
27. I hate feeling like I’m on autopilot in my life. Every aspect of my life has room for improvement. As a result, I keep reading books on business, on nutrition, on training, on being a manager, on marriage, on parenting, and on mental health. The last thing I want to be is stuck.
28. After being an avid reader throughout most of my life, this was the very first year I actively put a couple of books down and didn’t finish them. I just couldn’t get any further time investment into those books. By the same token, some books are worth reading more than once. As your life changes, the message from certain books take on a different meaning. You never know “where” a book may find you.
29. Some of the best experiences our family has had have also been among the least expensive. Not every great experience or great memory is formed with a high price tag attached to it.
30. If there’s someone you owe an apology to, make the apology. It’s mentally and emotionally liberating and you never know how much it will be appreciated on the other end when you can admit fault.
31. Morrissey sang “I recommend that you stop watching the news/Because the news contrives to frighten you/To make you feel small and alone/To make you feel that your mind isn’t your own” I would say the same conditions apply to social media if that is your news source.
32. To that, my broken record moment that I find myself repeating often: Unfollow any pages and people who leave you not feeling better about yourself and your life. Unfortunately, you will still see pages and people that are “suggested” follows. Block them if need be.
33. Sometimes, what you need is more moments of silence. No music, no television, no phone distractions, no podcasts, no audiobooks. Just silence.
34. A former client of mine walked into my office several years ago and saw all of my books. He commented: “You sure do have a lot of books.” I said, “Yes, I love to read.” He replied: “Just remember, not everything that you need to learn is going to be found inside a book.” I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right.
35. AI (artificial intelligence) can do a lot and I expect it will be able to do more over the next several years. However, having a human that can connect with you is almost invaluable. While self-checkouts are growing in number and we’re finding more and more ways to not actually connect with and socialize with real people, human touch and the nuance of human connection is not something we can afford to go without.
36. I read recently that, in efforts to keep us more engaged on social media platforms, we are often fed posts that will upset us. Researchers found that if we are incensed, we tend to stay on the platform longer. That helps engagement and allows more ads to be visible to us. I found this both fascinating and troubling. A helpful book to learn more about things like this is “Stolen Focus” by Johann Hari.
37. The messy bits about you can often be the parts that help you be a better version of yourself. I can’t change those messy bits of my own life but I can use them as inspiration and motivation to be a better husband, father, coach, friend and son. Admittedly, it has taken many hours of therapy to reach a point where I can hold space for both truths: that I have a difficult and muddy past AND also I have put in the work to not let those things define me.
38. When you say “I love you”, mean it.
39. Sometime back, I made a conscious effort to read books from perspectives of people who have not lived a life like mine. For instance, I’ve read several books written by authors in larger bodies who expressed what that experience was like. I’ve never known that experience but understanding it from someone who could be candid about it, helped me understand some degree of what many of my clients go through. Later, I read more about people of a different color, marginalized communities, and people of different sexual preferences as my own. Taking the time to “put yourself in someone else’s shoes” goes a long way in understanding and appreciating not only HOW we’re different but WHY we’re different and how to be loving, accepting and respectful of people who have not had the same lived experience as my own. Sometimes, the information is challenging and difficult to sift through. But that’s point. The more we can respect the lives of others, the more we can change our own prejudices and biases. The world doesn’t need more division, we need more unity.
40. Over the last year, I’ve heard/read from more than one source that if you need to have difficult conversations, do so during a walk. Being side by side with someone can reduce the feeling of confrontation and potentially help you solve problems more effectively without one person having their defenses up. This has worked really well for Marissa and I.
41. As I’m getting older, I’ve realized I need fewer and fewer “things.” While I will likely never be a minimalist, what I crave the most is quiet time with family and time to bond. This has been more restorative to me than anything retail therapy can give.
42. There’s value in being connected with people who have different opinions than you. There’s little value in being connected with people who offer their opinions through bullying or belittling others. Behavior on social media has skewed the latter.
43. Jon Goodman said: “Everybody has a million problems until they have a health problem. Then they only have one problem.” Preach.
44. I’m having more and more conversations with my clients about preserving and improving their strength, as well as conversations about keeping an eye on their bone mineral density. Make these things a priority because for many people, they could be far more important than fat loss.
45. On the note of fat loss, you can either train aggressively or diet aggressively. Don’t do both at the same time. And also, an aggressive approach of either may not be the right approach for you.
46. I love sharing music with others. I know that my taste in music may not be to the liking of everyone but I can say that if you’ve ever listened to a song or album that shook you to your soul, you and I probably have more in common than less. One thing I really love is hearing a cover of a song that makes me completely rethink the original. Here’s a cover I came across recently that floored me.
47. There’s nothing more beautiful to me than the smiles of my wife and my boys. Nurture more smiles in your life.
48. Have a space to write out your feelings. Not everything in your mind needs to be part of a conversation (especially when you’re emotional) but everything needs a home. Write or type out your thoughts to give your mind clarity and delete or toss what you need to. Declutter your mind.
49. Many years ago, my father wrote me a letter and the first words were “How do I write to inspire?” I’ve never forgotten those words and I try to keep them at the forefront of my mind when I write to and for others. I hope something in this list inspires you to take action.
50. Practice daily gratitude. To that, if you’ve stuck through this list to the end, thank you in large part or small for being involved in the first 50 years of my life. I’m eternally grateful.