* The title of this post is taken from The Weeknd song of the same name*
2016 has been one hell of a year.
I mean that in the best way possible.
Personally and professionally, 2016 has been one of the most mind-blowing years I can recall.
In hindsight, I would love to point my finger in one place and say THAT’S the reason. But I can’t.
If you and I share any similarities, I have a lot of things in my life that I carry shame about. I have a lot of things I feel guilty about. I hesitate to say the word “regret” because while I have made an avalanche of mistakes, I know that regretting certain actions may negate the ability for me to learn from my mistakes and change them.
I have clients who feel generally ashamed for where they are with their physiques and their fitness goals. Maybe they’ve fought so hard and for so long to lose weight, that giving up and failing seem like second nature.
There are days when I feel (maybe) I don’t deserve to do work that I love. Maybe I need to keep sifting in that same bottomless pit of guilt and shame.
Why should I have something rewarding? What have I done to deserve that?
And sadly, the correlation to the client who feels they don’t deserve to feel healthier, look better, feel better naked, etc. is similar. The client who tells themselves: I deserve this misfortune. Who am I to be happy (or healthy?)
You and I, we’re not so different.
Maybe I’m stronger, maybe you’re shorter.
Maybe I am happier, maybe you have a nicer car.
Most of us have something that plants that voice in our head that says “You don’t deserve to succeed. You will always fail at (insert goal here.)”
I don’t agree.
You do deserve to succeed. I don’t care what you’ve been through. I don’t care who told you otherwise. They were wrong.
To paraphrase what I wrote in the introduction to my book (released earlier this year):
“I’ve been sexually abused, hospitalized multiple times for suicide attempts and suicidal ideation, and over-medicated for illnesses I didn’t actually have. When the pharmaceutical drugs failed to provide the relief I wanted, I transitioned to street drugs. On multiple occasions I’ve managed to dodge death and incarceration. I spent ten years addicted to drugs and fitness was the light at the end of the tunnel.”
The only person in charge of your success is you. Not your spouse, not your children, not your boss. Those people may play a role and influence certain paths but they don’t pull the trigger on your actions. You do.
2016 is coming to a close. I have watched people who came into RevFit with nothing but a trail of failures behind them. Kind of like me.
They are succeeding.
They are pulling the trigger on the right actions at the right times. Maybe that’s because there is someone here (me, Julie or Megan) who have faith in them and help to hold them accountable.
I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions but I do believe in you.
That being said, it may take a “new year” before you have that same belief in yourself. That’s okay. I won’t judge you.
But please leave with this: If you want happiness, strive for it. Reach it.
If you want better health or to see the body that steps out of the shower and not grimace when you look at it, work for it. Achieve it.
No matter what you’ve done wrong you can change it and spark something positive. Can you pull a complete 180? I’m not sure.
But you sure as hell can get headed that direction.
You deserve that goal.
You earned it.
Now, go get it.