I recently read a remark by a woman online where she stated (I’m paraphrasing): Oh look, a man who thinks he knows more about a woman’s body than she does!
And I’ll follow that up with a comment from one of my clients last week (also paraphrased): You know, it would be nice if women learned more about our bodies growing up. I get my advice from my middle-aged male personal trainer!
Last year, I got certified as a Menopause Coaching Specialist through Girls Gone Strong.
Shortly afterwards, I got their certification as a Women’s Coaching Specialist.
Why?
Because since we opened in 2009, the majority of my clients have been female.
And the majority of that majority have been women in the menopause transition.
I wanted to equip myself with as much accurate information as I could to help not only those clients but also I’ll be there side by side with my wife when she goes through the transition herself.
What I find, as a male who will never personally experience menopause is that this particular demographic is unfairly and deceptively marketed to.
They are often treated as if they are broken, as if their “meno-belly” can be whittled away and sometimes that their symptoms are just in their head.
All of which is basically untrue.
What we do know is that hormones decline during this transition and not in a linear fashion. This decline can create a host of changes in the body due to mostly protective effects of estrogens.
Line ten women in the menopause transition up next to each other and you will get ten completely different outlooks and experiences on what that journey will be like.
Which means, there is no blueprint for how best to navigate the path.
The things that tend to be of best advantage to women in the transition also have a sneaky similarity to what you hear across the board anyway:
-Stay hydrated
-Eat a mostly nutritious diet
-Have a movement practice
-Prioritize a good sleep routine (with the understanding that hot flushes and night sweats can affect sleep patterns)
-Lift weights
-Have a strong support system (friends/family/therapist)
-Document any changes in your body, mental health, and how you’re affected by the food you eat and what you drink
-Stay up on routine, annual bloodwork
I try to stay current on the subject of menopause because A) I will never experience it in my body B) I genuinely want to help the women in my life (personal/professional) who struggle through it.
I have a small handful of professionals I trust when it comes to the topic. This list is not comprehensive but these are the voices I continue to come back to:
I know there are other voices out there in the field, some of whom might actually have larger followings but there are certain people who put far too much emphasis on the usage of unregulated supplements or who do not provide evidence-based nutrition information and I just can’t put my support behind them.
I believe, as a male coach helping women in menopause, being able to listen and provide nuanced feedback helps.
I don’t have all the answers but I do have an insatiable curiosity to learn and share.
And I’ll go to bat for the other male voices in the industry in the same position who aren’t looking to use predatory tactics to sell their shitty services or products to a vulnerable community.
I have conversations about fat loss every day and sometimes I have to remind myself that even if it isn’t new or novel information to me, it may be helpful for you. Here’s a list of topics which have come up over the last couple of weeks that might help you along the way.
-If you’re struggling with fatigue and you’re also trying to lose fat, you may need to make a decision about what’s more important at this moment: dropping the number on the scale or trying to increase your energy. If fat loss is more important, then you may need to reduce training intensity and keep your calories where they are or drop them. If energy is more important, you may need to push your calories higher temporarily and see how it affects your energy levels during training.
-If the only thing you’ve consciously tried to do over the last several months is diet and you can’t recall the last time (if at all) that you’ve taken a maintenance break, then you probably need to take that break sooner as opposed to later.
-If a diet succeeds at helping you lose fat, it is because said diet put you in an energy deficit. Forget about what calorie calculators and macro targets tell you. You’re either in a deficit or you’re not (and there could be factors that affect your ability to be in a deficit). Hopping over to another diet won’t give you better outcomes unless it manages to put you further into a deficit.
-On the note of aggressive deficits, if you’re going to diet aggressively don’t train aggressively as well. Pick one or the other.
-If I could take nearly every woman I’ve worked with (with few exceptions), a protein range of 100-120g would be the sweet spot for helping with fat loss success. You can overshoot it if you’d like but I would encourage you getting as close as you can to that bottom end as often as possible.
-If you are a woman in the menopause transition, it is absolutely possible that certain foods (including alcohol) no longer agree with your digestive system. Keep a journal and eliminate/reduce any foods you think are problematic.
-It probably isn’t seed oils that are the problem, it’s the fact that seed oils are present in a lot of the foods you might be likely to overeat: chips, crackers, sweets, etc. If hyper-focusing on seed oils allows you to remove those foods, you’ve probably eliminated a lot of unnecessary calories and that could be the difference between success with fat loss or not.
-Despite what you see and hear on social media, no you do not need to practice intermittent fasting to lose fat. Not if you’re a man, a woman, a woman in the menopause transition, etc. It works for some people, it’s terrible for others and it’s not universally a helpful tool.
-Here’s my super-woo comment on fat loss. Hating yourself and your body might get you off the couch but it’s an awful sentiment to hold on to throughout your journey. If you don’t find something to love and respect about your body, your journey will be unnecessarily painful and more problematic than it should be. Fat loss is difficult enough even when you give a damn about yourself.
I probably won’t write this as eloquently as others have before me but I think that lessons in strength training provide a crucial perspective on lessons in life.
Succinctly: nothing you want will come without struggle.
The first time I remember bailing on a lift in the gym, I was the stereotypical skinny guy in a box gym who underestimated how much weight was on the bar, didn’t have a spotter, and when I couldn’t clear the weight back to the top it came right back down against my chest and I had to wiggle myself free between the bar and the bench.
Thank God no one saw that happen because if they did, I don’t think I would have had the courage to go back.
And yet, as embarrassed as I was, I knew that I had to get better at it.
Not because the bench press was the most important lift for me but because the whole point of going to the gym was to get better.
You learn how to work within your means, you learn how to push the meter to get stronger, you learn to have a spotter so you’re at less risk of injury and you never, ever stop trying to improve.
And even though I spend several hours in the gym helping others improve and still learning how to improve myself, strength training continues to provide countless lessons about how to “fail” and how to keep coming back for more.
I’ve lost count how many “bad” workouts I’ve had. But a bad workout is better than no workout.
I’ve lost count how many mediocre workouts I’ve had. But the mediocre ones helped to develop consistency.
And I’ve lost count of how many great workouts I’ve had. Because the longer you train, the less often the truly great workouts show up.
In fact, what differentiates the great workouts from the ones that aren’t often has less to do with achieving personal bests and more about the attitude and confidence you gain in yourself when you’re putting the reps in over and over and over again.
It’s monotonous, it’s often frustrating, and aside from the handful of times where I’ve had an injury, I’ve never left a workout wishing I hadn’t done the workout at all.
Lifting weights teaches you how to listen to your body.
It teaches you how to filter out the noise around you.
It teaches you how to move in ways that no other form of movement can.
And I’m not trying to build an empire of bodybuilders and powerlifters. I’m trying to build an empire of people who know that the work they do in the gym isn’t just about aesthetics and achieving a dream physique, it’s about having physical and mental skills to navigate the world outside of the gym.
If you want your body to perform its best, you fuel it with the most nutritious food you can, as often as you can, in amounts appropriate for your body and your goals.
And you take the lesson of every lift you bail in the gym to step back and ask: How could I have done that better?
If I had never walked back into the gym 20-odd years ago when that barbell pinned me to the bench, I’d be at a disadvantage for everything that would come after and I’ve had a lot of life to live since that happened.
If you want different outcomes in the gym and in life, you take the losses and you figure out how to turn them in your favor. The weights won’t always be kind to you but the lessons will transform you.
We live in a world that rarely consoles weakness. I don’t say that with a hint of bravado or toxic masculinity.
You have a right to be as strong as you can for as long as you can and it is arguably one of the finest gifts you can give yourself.
In 2006, after ten years of being neck deep in that world, I gave up on drugs.
There was no dramatic intervention, I wasn’t incarcerated, and I didn’t have a close call overdose that scared me straight.
I just had finally opened my eyes to the damage I had done to myself and my family and it was time to call it quits.
One of the things that made quitting easier was the fact that about two months later, I moved to a different state and no longer had direct access to all of the other users I was friends with anymore.
Throughout my life, I’ve had to periodically (or permanently) step away from behaviors and lifestyles that had run their course.
Most recently, I’ve done this again with alcohol.
Unlike drugs, alcohol has always been a relatively easy vice to put down.
Shortly after my wife and I started dating, and after my father was diagnosed with cancer, I sobered up for four years.
When Marissa and I got married, we were on our honeymoon in Paris and we had a bottle of French champagne in our hotel room.
It was a “when in Rome” moment and my sobriety ended during our honeymoon.
Because I had gone so long without alcohol, my taste had changed and many things I used to be able to consume no longer sat well on me.
Before long, I transitioned into bourbon and remained there as a devoted fan for several years.
Bourbon was also the drink of choice for my wife and I when we ventured down into Kentucky in 2020 for our anniversary and got to learn more about the history of it.
It was that trip in particular that rekindled the parts of our marriage which needed attention and it became the next chapter of our love story.
However, over the last year or so, while my consumption didn’t increase, I did reach points where I felt I was just drinking for the sake of drinking or I’d find myself drinking alone if Marissa wasn’t with me.
And late last year, after spending much of November and December fighting off a variety of illnesses, I finally decided to take a break from drinking altogether.
Not for Dry January, just because.
So, I’m writing this after being dry for about six weeks.
I’m sure I’ll have a drink again because there is some really nice bourbon in our dining room but I have no idea when.
What I’ve found is that the less alcohol I’ve had, the less I’ve wanted or craved it.
And this was part of my inspiration for this week’s post.
I’m not going to ask you to give up drinking.
I’m not going to tell you any scary facts about alcohol.
What I will ask you to do is to take inventory over any area of your life where perhaps more of your identity is tied than you might like.
Maybe you gamble.
Maybe you chronically overeat.
Maybe you look at porn.
Maybe you’re a smoker.
Maybe you have a habit of doom-scrolling several times a day.
Maybe you rely on retail therapy every time life gets difficult.
Sometimes, it feels refreshing to just put the brakes on certain behaviors in your life.
Part of it is knowing that you can.
Part of it is gaining the confidence that you can remove parts of your life that aren’t serving you well.
Part of it is recognizing that you can find other areas of your life to fill the same space but that do so in a way that’s more fulfilling.
It’s not my place to tell you what to go without.
But there may be some places in your life that would improve if you find the strength to do so.
Late last year, I mentioned that I had gotten back into the world of business-to-business networking.
This was an area of my professional life that was monumental to growing my business when I first started RevFit and I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I got involved in it again.
I’ve been fortunate to pride myself in having a great and vast network of people to refer clients and friends to over the years and getting back into a group like this helped expand that roster and help other business professionals take their respective businesses to the next level as well.
In that spirit, I wanted to open up my network to you.
This will not be an exhaustive list and depending on who you are and what you’re looking for, perhaps it only benefits people who are in Northeast Ohio. Then again, with so many service providers having the ability to help others virtually without being face-to-face, who knows where that connection might lead?
I shared this list recently with our Facebook community of active clients here at RevFit, and I wanted to share similar sentiments with each of you as well.
There are certain service providers who not only are part of my networking group but also represented in my active roster of clients. In efforts to be fair to all parties, I won’t be offering names in the list below but I will offer the service/product provided. If there is an overlap between someone in my group and someone actively training with me, I’ll add two asterisks (**) next to the service and if you’d like more information, I can provide more than one referral source.
If you’re currently a client of mine and your business/service is not listed below, please let me know and I will edit this post to reflect the service you offer in case someone is looking.
I think a better connected world where we have people available to us who can provide quality help is an invaluable resource.
I hope somewhere in this list, I can give you access to someone who can solve your challenges effectively and efficiently.
Of course, as a shameless self plug, you know that I am a personal trainer and certified nutritionist coaching people online and face-to-face and I’m always happy to take on new clients in either capacity.
Here are some other providers I’d like to open you up to:
This week’s article will be different from most of what you’ll see on this site.
I have, since 2009 when I opened RevFit, had the incredible privilege of working with some shockingly strong and inspiring women.
It’s one thing to be on the coaches side of what happens here and helping any woman find that strength, harness it, and watch it grow.
It’s another thing to watch how it can transform some women, not just in attitude, confidence and performance but in the way they speak about themselves.
As a business owner, it’s always a great feeling when you know someone has had a good experience working with you.
Some might share it with you personally, some might leave your business a positive review, and then some people, like our very own, Gina O., will take the opportunity to not only share their experience but use it as a platform to lift other women up as well.
I was pleasantly surprised by and left in awe with a post that Gina made on her Facebook page recently. I asked her if I had permission to share her words so that more people could see what she had to say.
So, the rest of this article is written solely by her, and I’ve said it to her directly, but I’ll leave it here for the record: I couldn’t possibly have said any of this any better and the fact that it’s coming from a woman out to any woman who can absorb it makes it all the more impactful.
Gina, I’m so grateful to you not only for entrusting us with your training but allowing us to help make your children, Dominic and Julia, respectively, be the strongest and most confident versions of themselves to carry into this world.
I’ve already written too much. Gina, the rest is you:
Editing to tag my gym Revolution Fitness And Therapy, because sales is in my blood, and I know referrals are everything and I passionately would recommend my gym.
Sharing some thoughts after leaving the gym.
This March will mark two years since I tried something new: I hired a personal trainer and started strength training. For those of you who know me well, you know I’ve never been an athlete—ever. But there’s something magical that happened when I found my own physical strength in strength training. I’m not even sure why I’m sharing this today—some people might roll their eyes—but I felt compelled to write it anyway.
As a woman, I used to associate things like bench pressing and deadlifting with being masculine or athletic—neither of which I’ve ever considered myself. But now, I know it’s not about that at all. I’m a feminine woman, and strength training has been transformative for me, both physically and mentally. I am an athlete. I am strong. I can do hard things.
One of my favorite parts about going to the gym is that it’s not easy. Some days, it’s f@&$ing hard. But it’s also one of the most rewarding things I do each week. I have a group of people who cheer me on and celebrate my progress, which is AWESOME. Strength training often makes me think about other aspects of my life, especially my work in sales.
Sales is a lot like going to the gym. Most people only see the big wins, but there’s so much that goes into achieving them. You set goals, do tasks that suck, and face countless rejections. At the gym, my trainers make me do things I hate—things that sometimes I don’t even understand why I’m doing. Some days, I set a goal that feels achievable, only to find it’s WAY harder than I imagined. Other days, I surprise myself with how easily I reach it. There are times I can’t even get the weight off the ground and wonder if I ever could. But then there are days when the same weight flies up, and I think, “Why was I struggling so much before?” Those moments mirror my personal and professional life in SO many ways!
I realize hiring a personal trainer isn’t for everyone, and it’s easy to find reasons why the gym “isn’t for you”—whether it’s a lack of time, money, not being a morning person, or something else. But I truly believe strength training could improve the vast majority of people’s lives if they stick with it. It’s not easy, but that’s also what makes it so rewarding.
As a woman, I’ve been conditioned—like many of us—to believe the goal is to be thin, petite, or tiny. A few years ago, I committed to myself and lost a significant amount of weight. When I started strength training, I was at my lowest weight. Since then, I’ve gained a little back—not a lot, but enough to drive me crazy. But here’s the thing: I’m physically stronger than I ever imagined.
Some days, I look in the mirror and see broader shoulders, bigger arms, or bigger legs, and I wrestle with the idea that being “bigger” isn’t bad. Do I feel better? Yes. Do I feel stronger? Absolutely. Is it okay if I’m a little bigger than I was two years ago? I’ve come to accept that it is. My blood work and overall health are the best they’ve been in probably 20 years. Sure, I’d love to shed a few pounds of fat, but the truth is, I feel the best I ever have—physically, mentally, and emotionally. That strength has a lot to do with the gym.
This post isn’t about bragging or saying, “Look what I’ve done,” even though I’m proud of my progress. So please don’t comment congratulating me or anything like that. It’s about encouraging anyone who has had that little nudge in their mind to try it. If you’re my age—or really any age—and especially if you’re a woman, I can’t think of much that’s more rewarding than doing this for yourself.
Whether it’s finding a program online, going with a friend, or hiring a personal trainer, I’d strongly recommend giving it a shot. And if you’re local, check out Rev Fit. Their trainers have made SUCH a difference in my journey.
Time refuses to slow down, (as I think every parent can relate to), and my oldest son, Jackson, will turn seventeen this week.
This past year has been somewhat different than the years that preceded it.
Of the things that remain much the same as they were before, Jackson still loves to collect toys, he still is shockingly fast at assembling Legos, he loves going to the movies, dominating claw machines and he’s continued to show his flair for art.
On the latter, Jax has been using YouTube videos to help him sketch out different cartoon characters and then carefully coloring each one in to add to an ever growing collection of his work.
He’s also been spending some time at my Mom’s flower shop and when she asks, he helps to create floral arrangements in the same exact fashion as if she were making them herself.
Most recently, I’ve been picking him up from school once a week to bring him back to RevFit so that he can put in a little bit of work cleaning some of our equipment here but also to get him involved with strength training.
I’m grateful for all of the opportunities we’ve had to work with individuals who have special needs because now that Jackson is training here as well, it helps to see how he interprets the way his body moves when he lifts weights. Some movements are easier to train than others and each week we’re finding ways to move the reps up or move the weight up so that he can keep getting stronger and gain more confidence in what his body is capable of.
A few weeks ago, I was telling him that I could tell he was stronger than when he started and I said: Jax, show me your muscles.
He brought his arms up to flex his biceps, leaned over to kiss his left one and proclaimed: That’s the best kissed muscle ever!
Always the man of few words, Jackson never fails to show his sense of humor.
You might catch him dancing along to Kendrick Lamar’s “Not Like Us” (I blame myself for that) or singing along to the radio if Ed Sheeran, fun., or Myles Smith come on because if one thing has been a constant in Jackson’s seventeen years it’s that he has always loved music and as someone is pretty passionate about it himself, it’s a joy to see it (even if he and I don’t share the same enthusiasm for certain artists!)
But as he enters his seventeenth year of life, I still love seeing him be a big brother to Sebastian, I love seeing how much he lights up my mother’s life, and I love knowing that no matter what happens in Jackson’s life, he will always be showered with love and affection.
I’m wishing the happiest of birthdays to my almost adult young man, we love you Jax, Happy Birthday, big boy.
One of the challenges you might find when you’re trying to set your sights on a method of eating to help you improve your health, lose fat, (or both) is determining which method is superior to all the rest.
The short answer is: there isn’t one.
The more nuanced answer is: there may be a style of eating that works well for you and not as well for others.
Keep in mind, we are alive to experience the wonder and weirdness of social media platforms where the loudest megaphone (and often the largest platform) wins.
Which means that just because the loudest person is speaking doesn’t mean they’re right and when it comes to nutrition, it means you may have to discard the advice of people who range from the “girl-next-door” to those who have “Dr.” in their name. Not all doctors, just some.
I’m going to try and not throw any particular person or style of eating under the bus. Rather, I want you to approach nutrition information with skepticism (even if it comes from me).
Let me refresh some basics for you with a wildly simplistic breakdown of macronutrients:
Protein: Protein contains essential amino acids which have to be supplied in the diet because the body does not make them on its own. Protein can be found in all animal products but also in different grains, nuts, seeds and certain vegetables (usually in smaller amounts). It assists with the repair and recovery of muscle, supports immune health and may contribute to feelings of satiety and fullness in the diet.
Fat: This macronutrient can contain essential fatty acids and can assist with hormone production and contributes to healthy hair, skin and nails. Fat is typically found in animal products but is also present in nuts, seeds and certain vegetables as well as cooking oils.
Carbohydrates: This macronutrient is not “essential” but has been touted as the body’s “preferred” source of energy (more on this later). Carbohydrates are typically found in grains, fruits, vegetables as well as in different sweeteners. Also, carbohydrates are where you’ll find sources of fiber. Fiber intake and fiber diversity are associated with a healthier gut.
For the purposes of this article, I won’t be talking about alcohol which is the other macronutrient.
Narrow your sights on any style of eating: ketogenic, vegan, vegetarian, carnivore, Paleo, Mediterranean, etc. and you’ll find the pockets of people who will swear as the day is long that (insert name here) is the BEST way to eat for health, longevity, fat loss, etc. Many of which have Facebook support groups to rally the troops and rah-rah, hey-hey about the diet.
I need to impress this one point: It may very well work great for THEM and at the same time be terrible (or not ideal) for you.
Diets like carnivore, ketogenic, and any other low-carb variation can (keyword) be helpful for fat loss. On one hand, when you take your standard diet (which probably has moderate to high carb intake) and flip over to one of those styles of eating, you’re not only removing a LOT of calories by default (putting you into an energy deficit), you’re also removing a macronutrient that holds 3-4g of water per 1g of carbohydrate.
So, the removal of 200g of carbs from the diet can lead to a 600-800g drop in “water weight”. If you add the carbs back in, water weight comes back with it. That doesn’t make carbs “bad”, it just means they hold more water than protein or fat. This can temporarily allow the scale to give a positive but nuanced drop downwards.
However, as individuals acclimate to a lower carb style of eating, they may find that since fattier foods are prevalent, calories can start to creep up again. If they creep up too much, you’re no longer in an energy deficit and (for those pursuing it) fat loss may stall.
For all of the people hating on carbohydrates who truly believe you cannot consume them and also be successful at fat loss, I’d like to warmly introduce you to the vegans and vegetarians. If you don’t already know, their diets are chock full of carbohydrates and, if approached correctly, can very easily be successful at fat loss. (Just saying).
I think my biggest issue aside from the zealotry and fanaticism around certain diets is you get that cultish appeal that tends to come along with it. It’s not uncommon for me to find people who dug their heels in on a certain manner of eating, swearing up and down that it was the optimal way for them to eat, only to find them a year later eating in a completely different (and often contradictory) manner.
Wait a second, I thought the other way was optimal?
If you’ve been led (or scared) towards your diet through a documentary you found on Netflix, remember that these films are made to push emotional buttons, NOT to be accurate with evidence and the studies they provide for scientific reinforcement.
When I’m working with clients to help with fat loss, it helps to have a general guideline for where calories should be and a flexible protein goal. Beyond that, carbs and fats can pretty much fall wherever they need to. Some people prefer and perform better on higher carbs, some on lower carbs. That being said, despite what you see on the internet, NOT everyone should be counting calories (or tracking macros).
I was recently asked by a client what I thought about anti-inflammatory diets. It’s a tough question to answer. For one, foods that may cause inflammation in one person might not do so in the next person. Some people claim that gluten containing foods and dairy are pro-inflammatory foods, however, not every person will have that experience. Of note, my wife can’t consume any gluten or dairy without having several days worth of extreme discomfort afterwards. Our son and myself have no issues with either of those types of foods.
For individuals who struggle with IBS (inflammatory bowel syndrome), many healthy and nutritious fruits, grains, and vegetables have to be excluded to determine what is a safe (if any) dose that a person can consume. Foods like onions, garlic, mango, avocadoes, or broccoli, for example, might have to be temporarily or permanently removed from a diet to reduce IBS symptoms.
So, that makes it kind of tricky when you hear advice about: consuming whole, minimally processed foods to have an optimal diet because all of the foods I just mentioned in that last paragraph would fit the definition AND also not be ideal for some people’s diets.
You’ll find asshats on the internet who want you to fear seed oils, sugar, legumes, oatmeal, eating past 7pm, or literally any carbohydrate ever because God forbid your blood sugar temporarily spike up which…it’s…supposed…to…do… (unless you’re diabetic and if so, please talk to your RD and endo).
Ultimately, it’s not my place to tell you which diet to choose. You may have to try several to find the one that best supports your lifestyle, physique goals and performance. What I will say is that if someone is leading you to a food decision and they’re doing it by promoting fear, be skeptical of that person.
If someone says: don’t eat something with ingredients you can’t pronounce, walk the other way.
If someone says: sugar is toxic, ask them in what dose, which toxins specifically and which types of people have that response to sugar intake?
If someone says: eliminate processed foods, grab their bottle of extra virgin olive oil and ask them which farm that bottle sprouted from.
If someone says: everyone should be practicing intermittent fasting, tell them you do plenty of fasting while you’re sleeping. (Also, intermittent fasting as a dietary practice is flat out terrible for a LOT of people.)
The truth about food is often found in the gray area. And I hate to say it but the gray area is pretty boring.
The headlines and the buzz get made on the extremes. If I tell you (and even better if you trust me), that fruit and vegetable intake has a correlation to several types of cancers, I can make you fear fruits and vegetables. Once you’re afraid, it’s easier to sell you a product or service.
If the approach to nutrition you’re being led from seems cultish, put the Kool-Aid down and find a new sandbox.
The only “cult” worth following is the band of the same name, with my favorite era being 1983-1995.
If you need some help navigating the mine field, drop me a line.
Several years ago, when Marie Kondo’s bestselling book, “The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up” came out, it resonated a lot with me.
Shortly after reading it, I took the book’s guidance and went into my closet to start getting rid of clothing and shoes that I’d either not worn in two years or that no longer “brought me joy”.
I packed up a couple of garbage bags worth of apparel and donated it to people in need.
It was such a dramatic reduction in what I was used to seeing in my closet but it was refreshing and I knew that what I was left with were the things that would get the most wear and that I enjoyed the most.
Of course, apparel tends to wear down and wear out over time so as pieces started to decline in quality or as new clothing was purchased, I continued to keep my things down to a given minimum by finding pieces to throw away or donate.
I’ve never returned to the same amount of clothing that I owned prior to reading that book.
I’ve mentioned before on this site that I’ve collected some manner of material things for most of my life.
Over the last several years, it’s been books, records and bourbon.
This past year, the bourbon collection has dwindled down to a fraction of what it was before and while it wasn’t planned, I’ve been dry since before the end of the year. So, fewer bottles on the shelf and less personal consumption.
I’ve also started to go through my records and books and whittle down those collections as well.
I’ve reached a point where having lots of “things” just doesn’t give me the same joy it once did.
So 2025, for me, will be a work in progress of continuing to get rid of more and more things so that I can just own less and less.
In addition to the items themselves, I know I have a tendency to struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out), so I’ve unsubscribed from many email newsletters letting me know about upcoming or limited edition items and I’ve unfollowed many social media pages which might advertise the same.
As I go through this process, I find that it is always stress reducing for me and I don’t know anyone who wakes up and says: Let’s see how stressed out I can make myself today.
By comparison, the things I want more of likely won’t take up shelf space and they’ll be a fraction of the monetary cost of all those material things.
-I want more personal peace
-I want to learn more about being an effective coach
-I want more time with my wife and my boys
-I want more progress towards my strength (mental and physical).
As of now, I have around 1200 books in my library at the studio and over 1000 records at home. The plan is to cut out at least 20% of both to free up both physical and mental space and just let rooms breathe.
Knowing how I tend to be, once I start letting go of things, more will follow.
As the sentiment goes: I can’t take this stuff with me when I die and while I do plan to live as long as I can, less clutter leads to less stress so this is the year of less stress (and the objects that contribute to it) and more peace in my life.
Roughly five years ago, I got back into therapy and I didn’t “want” to be in therapy.
To be clear, I needed it but I didn’t want it.
Being in therapy meant something was wrong and something was broken and I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to admit either of those things but that didn’t make it less necessary.
Being in therapy made me rehash memories and reopen old wounds that refused to die, that refused to heal and continued to find ways to poke holes into the rest of my life.
So over the next several months, I pored through all of those details: the good, the bad, the painful, the shameful, and everything in between.
At a certain point, Collin, my therapist, asked me how I wanted to proceed: if I was going to do the work to heal all those broken bits or if I was going to stay in the same place letting all those old wounds fester out into the rest of my life.
I didn’t have an answer.
I was stuck.
And Collin said the words to me that have been branded into my brain ever since, words that I have peppered into this website on more than one occasion since then: When you’re in enough pain, you’ll change.
As you set your sights into 2025, I want you to take stock just like Collin asked me to do all those years ago and consider what changed and what needs more changing.
I am of a certain mindset now that I hate feeling stagnant and I hate feeling like I didn’t make progress in the areas of my life that need it most.
And like many people, I really don’t like the feeling of pain…so I change.
When you look at yourself in the mirror, and really LOOK, I want you to set goals in 2025 that make you uncomfortable.
I want you to set goals that make you stretch yourself.
I want you to be clear on those goals.
I want you to plot out details of what the steps towards those goals might look like.
And then I want you to move heaven and hell and to get there.
If you’re anything like me, perhaps you’ve realized that the things you value most in life are the things you’ve had to work hardest for.
For me, that has been my own personal self-improvement, the growth of my business, parenting, and my marriage (in no particular order).
The work never ends. The work always requires patience, it always involves missteps, it always takes longer to achieve a certain goal than what I expected and the work is ALWAYS worth the effort.
If I had a wish for you, it’s for you to not remain the same person in 2025 that you were in 2024.
And I want you to do more than talk a good game. I want you to show up and walk that talk over and over and over again until you’re facing 2026 with the benefit of hindsight to say, I put in the work and I know how I got better.
And when you look in the mirror a year from now, I want you to be immeasurably proud of yourself.
The same way that I’m proud of the fact that when I answered Collin by putting in the work it was because I refused to stay stuck.
For you, make the decision to change and start it now.
Jason Leenaarts 