To My Sons,

Some day I won’t be in this world to share it with you (and I hope that day is far into the future).

When my father (your Opa) passed, he was far too young, and that left me with a lot of life left to live without his guidance.

You are brothers with a common bond of me as your father and you share the commonality that you each have a mother devoted to making your lives the best they can be.

Opa always had a way to inspire people with his words and some day, you may be able to look back on this blog and find it full of insights I left here for each of you.

Being the father to a son with autism and a son without autism, I never know how these words will be interpreted but perhaps you can both find something of value here.

Coming off the heels of Father’s Day, I wanted to share a handful of lessons and wishes for both of you.

-Be Good Men: I will never ask you to be perfect because I was never perfect and it won’t be a standard I hold for you. I’ll ask you to be kind and fair. I’ll ask you to never fear love and to never hold grudges. I’ll ask you to always seek ways to improve who you are. That journey never ends. I’ll ask you to be considerate, compassionate and holding open, safe space to those who confide in you.

-Be Honest Men: If there is one thing that can tear down a household, ruin a relationship and damage the way you view yourself, it is dishonesty. I’ve seen it first hand and while sometimes dishonesty can seem convenient or a way to spare pain to others, it rarely ends in the places you want it to. Be honest, be true, and, perhaps most importantly, apologize with sincerity if you hurt someone through dishonesty.

-Be Loving Men: They say that the first love you ever know is the love of your mother, and in the case of each of you, I’d say that first love is right. Knowing each of your respective mothers, you have been showered with a love like no other. Who you are today is a direct reflection of the love those mothers have given you. That’s in no way meant to discredit my love for you. As a result, I ask that when you fall in love, that you do it fully and without keeping score. That doesn’t mean you’ll never be hurt. You likely will have your heart broken more than once, but it will teach you valuable lessons. When you find the person who loves you the way you love them in return, it’s not that it will be a perfect love without friction, rather it will be the kind of love worth fighting for. Stay true to that love.

-Be Hard Working Men: You will not love every job that you do but put your best effort into the work you do. You’ll find people who are easy to work for because they know how to guide you and give you room to grow. You may also find people who are difficult to work for and those people can show you the type of person not to be. Some of my most lasting and enduring lessons in work came from people who were the most difficult to work with and for. It taught me how to be different than them. If you’re fortunate, you’ll find a career that you love but what you may find instead is a career that you’re good at which provides you a life that you love.

-Find Men To Look Up To: Let me say this first, you’ll learn a lot about being a better man through the women in your life. But aside from that influence, find men who you can look up to. Not every man who can positively influence you will be your elder. Some will be your age, some will be younger. Look for attributes you don’t already have. Absorb what you can about the way they work, the way they handle personal challenges, the way they are as fathers to their own children, the way they treat their significant others and the way they respect you for being in their life. You can learn more from your personal relationships than any book can teach you (but you need the books too).

Lastly (for now), continue to love one another. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you two are the greatest gifts I’ve given to this world. Take care of one another. Dad loves you.